


Meet Me at the Touch of Water

by itsOzzie



Category: The Prom (2020), The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: F/F, Swim Team AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28319583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsOzzie/pseuds/itsOzzie
Summary: Emma Nolan was the star of the James Madison High School swim team. Of course, nobody knew that, because it was the swim team.
Relationships: Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan, Jess Monae/Carrie
Comments: 17
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Stroke by Stroke from Jasper in Deadland and the entire concept for this first chapter came from 'Aqua Profunda!' by Courtney Barnett. I thought this would be a one-shot based on that one scene in Just Breathe in the movie but then I got attached to it and now it's a full-blown thing and there is...so much gay incoming. I'm thinking it will be ten chapters but I don't know for sure. I hope you enjoy this awkward fusion of my favorite parts of the movie and the stage show that I call worldbuilding.

If you asked the cheer team, swim meets were the worst place to be on a Saturday. It was soaking wet and the acoustics were terrible, making their routines basically impossible without hours of extra work, and all for six loser kids who couldn’t hear them over the annoyingly repetitive and out of sync splashing. The team was co-ed, that’s how desperate they were for people. The cheer squad had been here since ten in the morning and now it was two, finally time for the longest event of the day. Thankfully it was the final one. It was with this background that a sophomore Alyssa Greene stood just in front of the bleachers. She was supposed to be paying attention to Kaylee and Shelby’s conversation, or at least pick someone in the squad to tune in to, but instead, someone caught her eye, and she couldn’t tell who they were. She squinted at them. They were the only one without a letterman jacket, Alyssa noticed as the rest of the team pulled theirs off to reveal unmatching swimsuits under maroon jackets embellished with gold. The mystery person was facing away from Alyssa so eye color wasn’t a viable identifier, and they had a swim cap on to hide their hair. Fuck.

Emma Nolan shook her hands at her side as a last-ditch effort to stretch out, ensuring she gave her best performance. It was a good use of the extra ten seconds it took for the rest of the team to get their jackets off. She exhaled slowly and Greg, her cousin in the lane next to her, laughed at her gathering her mojo.

“I don’t understand why you take this so seriously, Em.”

“You know I’m the only person carrying this team to the state championships,” she replied, only half-joking.

“You and Jess, maybe,” Greg adds.

“Well she’s Coach Boomer’s kid, she does all this out of obligation,” Emma replies, in no way ashamed of calling out her best friend. After all, she’s pretty sure Jess knows things about Emma’s personal life that Greg would be too freaked out to handle rationally. Remembering that, Emma cleared her throat and deflected back to Greg. “Besides, you’re only here because of Noah, so I think I’d rather have an obligated person carrying the team with me.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Greg says, his words nearly being drowned out by the scream of a horn telling the team to get ready at the blocks. 

“Hey, he’s not even in this heat and here you are, so.”

“Like I’m looking forward to a fucking half-mile.”

“Blame me for caring too much. At least it’s freestyle ”

Emma looked like she had full confidence in herself as she set up, toeing the line between confident and cocky with expertise. She had a reason to be so sure of herself; she knew she was the best swimmer for James Madison. She put in so many extra hours for the team and from the moment she started on the middle school team and felt the rush of the water soaking up her competitive spirit and the race of it trying to keep up with her, she knew this was what she had to do with her life. 

Back to the present, she looked at the crowd for a moment. They were all disinterested. All forced to be there by a child or sibling on the team, at which point she could tell they were wishing these boys were on the football or basketball team, these girls were on the cheer team. You would think it would get disheartening, especially since her parents never came, but Emma found her grandmother’s warm smile in the crowd, and that was all she needed. She was going to make her Gran proud someday, she just hoped that meant Team USA. Maybe then her parents would validate her love for the sport. Right now, though, they refused to even buy her a letterman. They thought it was stupid, her spending all her time at the pool. So much so that they’d never even bothered to drive her to and from the home meets. At least Greg was willing to give her a ride every weekend.

Then she spotted Alyssa Greene, looking right at her. Her heart quickened, and she wasn’t even in the water. The sensation was enough to get her to look away from the crowd. No one could know how she felt about her. She closed her eyes and sighed again and said a silent prayer that she’d get through this. She knew she was talented, but this would be a lot.

She opened her eyes and the water was staring up at her, calling her name. The blare of the mechanical beeps that came from somewhere finally told her it was time to dive, and she was ready as she could’ve been until she hit the water.

Then her stomach cramped at awful timing. She pushed forward with her first few strokes, knowing a solid start was vital if she wanted any shot at a win. Still, she was distracted by the simple hope that she wasn’t suddenly going to be bleeding in the pool for the next twenty minutes, which she attempted to muffle with a simple rhythm.

_Stroke, stroke, stroke, breathe._

That was what she loved about swimming. There was a rhythm to it, a simple beat that took control of her pulse whenever she found it. It made her come alive in a totally different way than she did on land. It looked simple enough, but it took skill to truly master. A skill that no one here appreciated, except her. Someday she’d make them wish they paid attention to it.

_Stroke, stroke, stroke, breathe._

A few laps passed. Emma could almost ignore the disinterested silence of everyone around her, the halfhearted enthusiasm of the cheerleaders. She’d rather be paying attention to the crashing of the water around her as she bent it to her will.

_Woosh, woosh._

It made her feel so powerful.

Most of the time.

Right now she had been swimming for so long that her arms were starting to ache and she could feel her legs starting to quiver. But she couldn’t give up on herself. She couldn’t let herself think about how humiliating the end of this race would be if she fell behind and lost her pulse. All she could think about was that she was eighteen laps in, out of thirty. More than halfway done, she reassured herself in place of freaking herself out by looking at the massive stopwatch glaring at her from the wall.

_Stroke, stroke, stroke, breathe._

Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two. It became a blur. The crowd had been enveloped into an entirely different silence now. Perhaps they were on the edge of their seats but didn’t want to admit it. God, she hoped that were the case. 

Twenty-three, twenty-four. Her feet were going numb. What did she do that this was getting so hard?

Finally, the last lap. If she really wanted to secure a win she needed to go a little harder. At the turn, Emma caught a glimpse of the crowd; of Alyssa. She really wanted to make them proud, even if they’d forget this moment.

_Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, breathe._

Emma’s hand reached forward to touch the wall one more time. She didn’t necessarily have control over the action anymore. Her pulse took over a while ago. But the moment her fingers grazed the end, there was a smattering of cheers. Coach Boomer was standing over her, beaming. Emma smiled up at him, eyes wild with shock.

“What…” she murmured between pants. “What happened, what did I do?”

He offered one of his signature wicked, brassy screams. “See for yourself, kid!”

A bewildered Emma turned around to find the person currently in second, someone from the competing school, who had barely crossed the halfway point of his final length, and Jess was just shy of being considered on his heels for the final stretch. Greg was looming somewhere all the way at the other end, having trouble staying afloat after such a ridiculous distance.

“I...I won?” Emma whispered to herself.

She was stuck in utter disbelief that she pulled that off while being in so much pain, and as if on cue her body realized it was no longer required to move in order to not drown and the stabbing in her stomach came back for a second wave, making her fight the urge to vomit. Her fresh arm cramps came in full force, too, and that combined with pins and needles shooting up her legs meant she could barely move. She watched in a panic as Jess slipped out of the water with ease.

“Coach, I--” she started, but cut off when her legs gave out.

Alyssa thought she’d be excited to just have nothing to do after this, but she actually got sort of invested toward the end of it all. Whoever it was that she noticed earlier, despite being the smallest in the group, they dominated the race and got the whole crowd invested. So now everyone was looking eagerly at the end of the pool, where not everyone was done, and the mysterious victor appeared to go under for a moment, which Alyssa wouldn’t have called a big deal if it weren’t for the coach appearing to freak out. A murmur ran through the crowd like a tiny ripple and as everyone stopped caring about the kids in last, Alyssa failed at hiding the concern in her voice.

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” Shelby muttered, whipping her phone out of her bag that sat on the bench beside the squad.

“You really just...have that right there?” Alyssa asked weakly. “No burying it under street clothes?”

“I’ve been texting Kevin between routines. Gonna come in handy now, isn’t it?”

“I don’t blame her, Lys. This shit’s boring.”

“I just…” Alyssa faltered for a moment as Shelby flicked on the camera of her phone. “Oh, come on. Are you really that inconsiderate?”

“If you wanna phrase it like that,” Shelby replied, briskly walking closer to the chaos. 

“She’s a loser anyway,” Kaylee justified as if that fact made what Shelby was doing more justifiable in any way.

Alyssa followed after Shelby, trying to figure out a way to stop her.

Emma gave a soft groan as she dipped below the surface for a moment. Suddenly she felt faint and frankly uncomfortable with this many eyes on her. She wasn’t swimming anymore, meaning it was back to her usual awkward self.

“You alright?” Coach Boomer asked.

Emma shook her head, eyes glazing slightly.

The coach was quick to react, nearly falling into the water himself as he lunged forward to stop his star pupil from losing control of herself.

“Jess! Get over here!”

At first, Jess was confused, but only muttered “Oh my _God_ ,” when she realized the state her best friend was in. 

She rushed over to help her stepfather get Emma out of the pool. Slowly and carefully they pulled her up and got her over to the wall to make sure she could actually sit up through the violent shivers of her legs that were so constant and severe that they looked like spasms, and even though she wasn’t moving, her legs kept seizing.

“Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well, kid?” Coach Boomer asked.

“I...I was feeling fine earlier,” Emma told him weakly.

Boomer clearly didn’t believe that, so he placed a hand on her forehead to find no fever.

Odd. Emma racked her brain for what could’ve made this happen but she wasn’t in any state to think. It was making her feel even more ill. Jess seemed to have an idea, though, and her eyes lit up at the memory. She waited until the other Nolan finally touched the pool wall a final time, prompting Coach Boomer to walk over and give him a rant about working harder. Then she walked over to Emma, still violently shaking against the wall.

“Did you remember to eat dinner after that thing happened last night?” Jess whispered.

Jess was vague, but Emma knew she was referring to her parents fighting. It always made Emma uncomfortable and without fail, her appetite would be crushed. 

“...Fuck.”

“And you forgot breakfast again trying to get here early?”

How does someone forget they haven’t eaten in over 24 hours? Why hadn’t she known her body was begging her to stop?

“Maybe.”

“Come on, Em.”

“Okay, yeah.”

“I’ve got a spare granola bar in my bag,” Jess said as if she weren’t offering it but instead requiring Emma to eat it.

“You’re a lifesaver,” Emma mumbled, fiddling with her hands in a desperate attempt to not pass out.

“In my defense, you cut it closer than usual this time,” Jess joked.

She walked over to the bench where the cheer girls were also keeping their stuff and found her own. She fished around her bag with an urgency she’d never quite experienced before, but she still got stopped by the voice of Shelby Gonzales. 

“Are you sure you still wanna associate with her?”

There was a camera in Jess’s face now, watching her pull the granola bar from her bag, reminding her to keep it civil. Don’t question the morality of this bitch just yet. “You would be doing this too if it was one of your teammates, only I wouldn’t be in your face with a camera.”

She turned and walked back to where Emma was sitting, now with a towel wrapped around her that was supposedly given to her by Coach Boomer, only this time the camera followed Jess’s every move. Emma didn’t seem to notice, tunnel vision on the granola bar for a moment.

“Oh, thank you so much,” Emma practically squeaked.

There was a grunt of suppressed laughter at the way she sounded that came from Shelby, and only then did Emma notice the phone between Shelby’s face and hers. She didn’t say anything. Rather, Alyssa Greene did the work for her.

“Shelby, would you stop?! This isn’t funny.”

“Like Kaylee said, she hasn’t got a reputation anyway,” Shelby replied, and this made Jess snap.

“You can kindly fuck off ‘cause Emma’s a better friend than you’ll ever be,” she yells, stepping between Emma, who suddenly looks like she’s shrunk several sizes, and Shelby. 

This conceals Emma from view while she devours the granola bar and Jess, Alyssa and Shelby continue to bicker. Finally, Emma stands, shaking a little from the workout and still being relatively starved, but she keeps her balance.

“Alright, that’s enough. The drama’s over, I’m not dying, nor am I already dead,” Emma addressed the camera rather than Shelby as she took off her swim cap like she knew this would end up on Shelby’s Snapchat anywhere between ten minutes and an hour from now and wanted everyone to know it was her who worked her ass off to the point of that extreme exhaustion. She watches Shelby finally press the button to shut the camera off. 

There’s a heavy silence and Alyssa looks at Emma in a way she can only describe as...funny.

Alyssa didn’t notice it before, but Emma Nolan was kinda hot. Probably in the way that Kaylee and Shelby called each other hot platonically, of course. Looking at her up close, Emma’s muscles were toned from swimming so much, the lines of her muscles broadening her otherwise slim figure in the shoulders and down her forearms. It added the same definition to her legs, but that might as well be nothing when Alyssa finally, truly soaked in Emma’s face for the first time. Her eyes glittered a strange mix of hues, green, gold, and brown. Her jawline was soft, but Alyssa wondered what it would feel like to run her hand down it nonetheless. And her lips. God, Alyssa couldn’t stop thinking about those lips, naturally colored a vivacious pink. Even her golden blonde hair fresh out of the swim cap was gorgeous, falling just past her shoulders is unruly waterfalls as she pulled it out of a bun. Of course, she was already soaking wet from just getting in the pool, that definitely put her on a whole other level. Then the question hit Alyssa. How “platonic hot” could this be if she and Emma had never spoken?

“Uh, you good, Lys?”

_Oh fuck, her voice was raspy right now too--_

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Cool cool,” Emma replied with a cheeky grin, instinctually finger gunning at Alyssa but regretting it once Kaylee and Shelby groaned at her.

“Alright team, great work today,” Coach Boomer interjected, living up to his name whenever he rallied the small group of teens together, even grabbing the attention of the trio of cheerleaders who’d never worked under him. “Foster, Salix, great work on your form since the last meet. You’ve improved.”

The two freshmen looked at Coach Boomer excitedly as he addressed them, and Emma laughed to herself as they exchanged high fives. This was clearly a situation where the two of them had worked their asses off together, and Emma loved watching the two of them grow together since picking up the sport this year. She couldn’t wait to see their faces when they finally got “Boom-ified”, the special term for receiving a nickname from the coach that got lovingly adopted by the rest of the team.

“Nifty, you’ve got the breath control down to a tee. Polish up that stamina and you’ll be in fine shape to go head to head with Juice.”

Nifty was a nickname for Noah, mocking the time he got hit on in math class last year and tore a page out of Emma’s book of awkwardness and just replied to the poor girl with _Uh, that’s nifty that you think that...but no thanks._ Since then, Greg’s been convinced Noah was gay and in love with him. Emma lovingly reminded him this was rural Indiana, and if he said that anywhere other than Gran’s house, he’d be dead. Juice, meanwhile, was a rare name for Jess since she always seemed to have spare snacks on her, as proven by two minutes ago, but Coach Boomer really only used it at these team wrap-ups because her mother despised it. 

“G-Man, remember what we talked about. I don’t want to bring the team down right now.”

Greg looked like he’d been caught trying to rob a bank. Coach Boomer ignored that in favor of addressing his cousin.

“Nole, in spite of the fact that you still look like you’ve seen a ghost, that might’ve been your best race yet.”

Emma grinned, mostly to herself.

“Alright, bring it in, folks!”

When Alyssa heard that come from the swim coach, she expected some awkward chant, but instead watched as the kids in front of her shed their towels for a moment in favor of a group hug. Maybe she’d underestimated these kids. They weren’t doing this to look cool or win the attention of people at school, they did it because at the end of the day, they were a team, and even though they weren’t all interested in it--Greg--it was clear they had a connection, and they would never backtalk each other like she was pretty sure was already happening with the cheer team as their coach, some bitchy ninth-grade English teacher, started herding them into the locker room like cattle. With that, Alyssa was pulled from the now dispersing scene as the swim teams started heading for the lockers themselves.

“Yo, Nole, can I talk to you for a second?”

Emma was cold. She wanted to get back into her regular clothes. She was sure only eating a granola bar today didn’t help.“Sure, Coach.”

“You don’t gotta push yourself so hard; I’ve seen what it does to even the best athletes.”

“I know. I just forgot to have breakfast.”

“Emma Nolan, you worry me sometimes, kid.”

She paused. Was this how it felt to be appreciated? “...I know.”

“I know you do, but this whole team, we spend so much time together that you’re like my kids. Still, I can’t shake the feeling that you’re more than what meets the eye.”

“What does that mean?”

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

She wished that were true.

After the team finished changing, Greg drove Jess and Emma back to Emma’s house, where Emma thought they’d be getting to their usual post-meet routine. Instead, the moment she got through the door her parents gave her a disapproving look, and she knew. They’d seen Kaylee’s video. Which meant everyone in town saw it too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alyssa Greene is tired of being perfect, and when something sends her over the edge, who better is there to teach her about finding who you really are than Emma Nolan?

When Emma wasn’t at the pool, she was a completely different person, and that was especially true the Monday after the incident at her last meet. Right now she was drowning in a hoodie that was at least two sizes too big, pretending not to exist. She heard them all whispering about her. She just pretended not to care, pretended she wasn’t there. It was hard to, though, when the murmurs she’d been hearing for five hours on end now only proved what her parents already told her about this.

_You’ve made a fool of yourself._

_I won, though, she’d replied, level-headed because she was shockingly used to being berated._

_They don’t know that._

It sucked more coming from her peers. She’d figured out a while ago that her parents wouldn’t care no matter what she did. At least she got past what she assumed would be the worst part of the day in the cafeteria. Her locker was right outside her chemistry classroom, the next class she had. Of course, stopping here was an easy way to get Shelby Gonzales and Kaylee Klein back on her heels. Their stupid jock boyfriends were practically attached to them by the hip, egging them on.

“Hey, Emma, are you sure you aren’t gonna pass out again?” Shelby asked sarcastically.

Emma didn’t look up from her locker. Part of her wished someone from the team could defend her right now, but the only people willing to do that at this rate would be Greg and Jess.

_...And they’re really going to let Jess Monae be so profane on school property?_

But she wasn’t sure she could look Jess in the eyes after ignoring all her texts, stuck on thinking about the way her parents spat the name Jess Monae like a curse.

“Why are you so bitter? I didn’t kill your mother,” she deadpans instead.

The four of them presenting themselves in front of Emma suddenly look offended, disgusted that she’d even brought that up. They shifted so they were creating some sort of a half-circle to confine her to her locker as she slammed it shut. She turned around to find them surrounding her and forced a smile. Don’t make Shelby think you are actually going to kill her mother, Nolan. Thankfully, Alyssa Greene finally decided to show up and distract them from an inevitable hate crime that Emma wouldn’t even be able to call a hate crime because no one knew she was gay.

“Whoah, what are you guys doing?”

“Emma said she was gonna kill Shelby’s mom,” Kaylee hollers, misconstruing Emma’s words deliberately.

Alyssa cocked an eyebrow at that, moving in between Kaylee and Shelby to get a better look at the girl. She looked so scared of all this attention that today she had to be the one to try not to laugh.

“Yeah, right. You really use anything to start drama, don’t you? Lay off her.”

Apparently, that was enough to intimidate them. They’d really do anything to conform to a specific group, Emma realized as they split directions. The fake smile on her lips died the second no one was looking at her.

“You’re still shaking,” Alyssa pointed out, bringing Emma back to reality.

“Sorry. I just--I thought I was gonna get beat up.”

“No, I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to deal with them...You--you were great out there on Saturday,” Alyssa said, stumbling over her words. Why was she so nervous?

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Her eyes wander to Emma’s shoulders for a moment. Then, “Where’s your next class? I can walk you over there so no one gives you shit.

Emma giggled, and finally, she smiled genuinely. “Lys, we literally have chem together.”

“Oh! Uh, shit,” Alyssa laughed at herself. “Well, uhm, I can still walk you in.

Emma turned pink, and thankfully Alyssa didn’t notice. Her brain ruled in favor of questioning why she was suddenly so unsure of herself.

“Sure! Give me a second.”

Alyssa then proceeded to watch as Emma took off her hoodie and leaned down to stuff it in her bag. Watching anyone else do this, Alyssa would’ve been fine. But because it was platonic-hot, high school swimmer, half-jock, half utterly-afraid-of-jocks Emma Nolan, and her shirt came up for a moment to reveal she actually sort-of had abs on top of the definition in her arms that already killed Alyssa, she was not fine. In fact, her mind went places she knew would land her in Hell. She had thought about girls this way before, but never like this. Never this violently, never this graphically, never _in front of their faces_. But, at the same time…what would it feel like to kiss Emma Nolan, wrap her arms around her broad shoulders, run her hands down her figure, fully soak her in without shame, even if that meant watching her bra slip off and fall to the floor?

She was fucking sick.

...She loved it. It made her feel alive.

She was a sinner.

Why should she care?

She pinched herself, subtly, of course, while Emma slung her backpack over her shoulder. Emma looked at Alyssa as she stood up, trying to convince herself that the way she was looking at her with an almost blank expression wasn’t for the reason she was secretly hoping it was for.

Alyssa gave her a small smile as they walked into the classroom while the warning bell rang, hardly daring enough to look Emma in the eyes because she feared that if she did she’d start thinking again, and...oh God.

At least they were making peanut brittle today. You could zone out horribly and all of a sudden not understand a lesson on moles and atoms, but it was pretty hard to get distracted while cooking peanut brittle. The teacher claimed it was so the class could understand chemical reactions, but by the time they reached 15 years old, the entire class figured out their teacher was at least a little hungover and didn’t want to deal with teaching a whole lesson and dealing with annoying questions and annoying students. It was fine, though, since the teacher hated her job that much no one cared about not having to deal with her grating, monotone voice clacking through a slideshow presentation she didn’t make.

It was no wonder Alyssa had a C in chemistry.

You can’t fuck up peanut brittle, she reminded herself, unless you’re partnered with your crush. Thankfully, she wasn’t, so it should’ve been an easy A, but it wasn’t like Kaylee cared about her grades. She lived in Alyssa’s fantasy of not overbearing parents and Alyssa was baffled she could do something like chew gum in class, like right now, and not get in trouble. Kaylee read the instructions in the same disinterested tone the teacher taught in and Alyssa pretended like she was following along, even though she wasn’t because the moment she admitted to her confusion or the million other things that chipped her carefully crafted image of her mother’s perfect daughter, half of which were Emma Nolan, then she was no longer Alyssa Greene. Everything she was had been built on a lie, and she knew that, but--

_Bang!_

She and Kaylee were covered in half-cooked peanut brittle now, and she wasn’t sure if she was burning because it had been warmed up just enough to change shape or because of the shame of everyone looking at her, not even trying to hide their laughter. Over that sound, Kaylee screamed in Alyssa’s general direction that she ruined her outfit and then ran out of the room. Alyssa stared blankly down at her hands for a moment. They were warm and sticky but that was hard to focus on over the piercing stares, the laughter, the ringing in her ears that was a residue of Kaylee's screaming. She looked up slowly and there were the faces of all her classmates. They were laughing now but in a day they'd probably forget it because she was Alyssa Greene, the perfect image of a high school girl, except for that one thing no one knew about.

Emma Nolan was staring at her from across the room, eyes wide, yet they were soft with concern. Saturated and warm, these were the only eyes that didn't aim to have her dead.

Yet they were the eyes that made Alyssa Greene burst into tears and run out of the room. She listened as her classmates let out another crashing wave of laughter, probably thinking she was pissed for the same reason as Kaylee. Fucking Kaylee; why did she have to associate with Kaylee?

Emma anxiously glanced between the door and the teacher for a moment, waiting for the eventual grumble of a go-ahead before she took off down the hallway. Something in her gut told her to grab her hoodie from her bag before she did so. She tried to be subtle about the fact she was following Alyssa, but that was harder than it looked in the middle of a class period, especially when Alyssa seemed intent on crossing the whole school for privacy and it was hard for Emma to keep up from a distance as Alyssa kept rounding the corners ahead of her. For once, Emma was glad she didn't bail on dry land day. Eventually, Alyssa shoved her way into a bathroom and Emma waited a solid 15 seconds after she heard the crash of a stall door before walking in.

"Alyssa? I-It's Emma Nolan, are you alright?" Emma whispered, suddenly realizing how stupid she was for this.

"I'm so fucking stupid," Alyssa spat, holding back a sob.

"We all have our moments of complete and utter self-hatred," again, Emma was deadpanning at a super weird point in the conversation. "But that doesn't make you stupid."

"Then why will this zero make me fail this class for the quarter?" Alyssa asked. There was so much anger in her voice that it had to be genuine.

"Because chem is hard and our teacher sucks?"

Alyssa took a shaking breath. "I just feel so dumb anyway. You've been being harassed all day for something out of your control and act like nothing happened, meanwhile I fuck up once because I don't understand something I should understand, and here we are."

"Don't compare the two of us," Emma demanded softly. "You are so much better than me. The world of James Madison looks at you like you're the sun because you are wonderful, and I...I get used to being told I don't matter."

"Emma--" Alyssa choked out as Emma realized what she had done.

"Alyssa, it's fine. The point is, we're not the same in any way."

"But you're a real person. Not being stared at by everyone. I screw up once and my mother's grip on me tightens me back into perfection like a piece of clay."

"So...just...don't let her." Emma stutters but she's still acting like it's an obvious answer.

"Are you serious?"

"Well, it doesn't have to be all at once, obviously. Just...little things," Emma pauses. "I wanna show you something. Come with me."

"We're supposed to be in class?"

"The teacher doesn't care. Do you wanna shed your good girl skin or not?"

"I don't want anyone seeing me like this."

"Borrow my hoodie."

Alyssa poked her head out of the stall after a few long seconds and Emma passed her the hoodie. Alyssa giggled as she put it on.

"Mm, you're taller than you look."

Emma chuckled, looking down at her lap, glad that the door of the stall prevented Alyssa from seeing her blush. 

Alyssa looked at herself in the hoodie, and if it was big on Emma it was gigantic on Alyssa. It was one of those bright red ones that read ‘LIFEGUARD’ in giant, blocky, white letters and the longer Alyssa looked at it, the more she wanted to know where it came from because there were no beaches in Indiana and she’d never even seen the ocean. It was mysterious. It stuck out like a sore thumb, yet somehow it was subtle. It was so perfectly...Emma Nolan.

The stall door creaked open slowly and Alyssa walked out, keeping her composure as best she could, though Emma could still see her eyes were bloodshot.

“So...where are we going?” she asked shyly.

“Follow my lead.”

Alyssa trusted Emma, for some reason, and she watched as she led her to the pool, of all places. Alyssa shouldn’t have been surprised by this, of course, but she thought she saw everything there was to see in here...innuendo intended. She followed Emma to the other side of the room, where she suddenly noticed that the end of the bleachers, where you could go underneath, was blocked off by a rusty seal. Alyssa raised an eyebrow as Emma took a clip out of her hair and used it as a lockpick. Twisting a spot between two metal boards, the seal came loose enough to create an entrance. Alyssa wandered in slowly behind Emma, who then pulled it shut and twisted the hair clip in the opposite direction she had used to open it in order to relock the seal.

“What the hell is this? How did you find it?”

“When I was in middle school I’d come to the high school meets sometimes, but no one was with me so I’d do stupid shit. Mostly hang out in here after I spent months figuring out how to unlock and lock back up. It gets really loud and bright out there, and sometimes I need a break from it even now. Little did I know it was a not-so-secret hook-up spot back in the day,” Emma concluded her ramble by gesturing to the dimly lit back wall that was littered with multiple graffiti hearts containing initials and dates that spanned 3 decades before abruptly stopping in 1997.

“That’s...insane.”

“Just wait until poor Hawkins finds out about the football bleachers.”

“I think he knows, he just gave up on caring,” Alyssa said, exaggerating a fake gag and rolling her eyes. Then her next words came out before she could stop herself. “So...why’d you take me to an abandoned hookup spot?”

“Oh, God. No, I’m not like that. I’m not a creep, I swear!” In her panic, Emma started yelling and stumbled backward, thudding into the metal hatch.

She didn’t say she wasn’t gay.

Alyssa couldn’t help but laugh. “Emma, calm down! I’m joking. I know you’d never do that.”

“O-oh. Sorry.”

It was funny. Emma looked so composed in front of their peers, but she felt safe enough to freak out in here, in front of Alyssa, of all people. What did that say about the two of them?

“I would like to know your actual motivations, though.”

“I...I just thought...maybe I could help you out with chem? And we could come here...so--so no one would have to see us together?”

“Wait. Why would I not wanna be seen with you?” 

Emma froze. A pause bubbled over. Then. “I, um--I--”

“Are you okay?”

“I’ve said too much. I’ve shown you too much, I--”

“Hey, it’s okay. I’d...I’d love to.”

“Really…?”

“Yeah.”

Then the bell rang, and Emma hurried to unlock the bleachers again. She finished locking it up and pinned the hair clip neatly back in her hair as Alyssa began the sprint to her next class, putting several feet between them again. Only now the girls were heading in opposite directions and being drowned by crowded hallways. Still, Alyssa couldn’t not think about Emma, and it showed in her desperation towards Kaylee at cheer practice during their water break. Despite being desperate, she was clever about it too.

“Kay, I have a problem.”

“I’m not smart enough to help you with it,” Kaylee told Alyssa before taking another sip from her water bottle.

“No, it’s a...it’s a crush thing,” Alyssa said meekly.

Kaylee’s eyes lit up and she squealed, dropping her bottle out of excitement. “Oh my God, Lyssie’s first boy problems! It’s about time, Shelbs and I have been waiting for the day since seventh grade. Spill.”

“You better not tell her, she’ll kill me. It’s kind of embarrassing, actually--”

“No promises. Spill.”

“Nolan,” Alyssa mumbled.

Kaylee covered her mouth dramatically but quickly regained her composure. “You know, I shouldn’t be shocked. With the way you were acting on Saturday and then--Oh! You’re trying to get his attention by being nice to his cousin! You’re so smart, Alyssa. I wouldn’t have thought of that.”

Apparently, Shelby was paying attention all along, because she butted in rather suddenly. “You’re disgusting, that boy is lanky.”

“You’re gonna yell at me but not talk about how ugly Nicholas Boomer is?”

Shelby started cackling, and after a few seconds, she realized something. “Is there some mystery plot here involving giving Emma her sweatshirt back and then hooking up with him?”

“I want more than a hookup, Shelby.”

“But you have her sweatshirt, make whatever move you want then! No guy can resist you!”

“Oh, fuck, I still have her sweatshirt. I almost forgot. Do I have to go to someone’s house now or--”

“Shit, Kay, she’s actually nervous to talk to _Gregory Nolan_ ,” Shelby muttered.

“What about you would turn him off?” Kaylee asked.

_Lesbianism._

“I...I don’t know, I just...I’ve never felt _this much_ for one person.”

They’re practically cooing at her now. For once, Alyssa was happy when her coach strolled over to cut off the water break. That really went about as horribly as it possibly could have, huh? Really, she should not expect that much of her friends, but at least the rumors that would fly around about this would distract from her being terrible at chemistry, so maybe she could date Greg and miraculously ignore Emma and be normal. Maybe it would all work out.

When practice let out, Alyssa was forced to change back into her brittle stained clothes, but she managed to procrastinate by staring into the empty void of her locker, filled only with Emma’s hoodie. Alyssa took extra caution with it, staring into the little white plus sign for a little too long. Then she realized the hoodie smelled like a strange fusion of a forest and the overly chemical odor of chlorine. It was only then that Alyssa admitted to herself that she was absolutely fucked. She sighed slowly, eventually finding the courage to shove it back on, and only then did a small slip of paper fall to the floor beneath her. She glanced at it for a moment, wondering if it would be an invasion of Emma's privacy to look at it. Eventually, Alyssa realized she'd have to catch a glimpse of it in order to put it back where she found it. And that quick glimpse led to a phone number, signed simply with an N. Alyssa felt her face heat up and she supposed the girls noticed because they started squealing again.

"You bastard," Alyssa muttered under her breath because she knew damn well that not even she could've come up with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be the first time ever that I didn't use the band closet as their hiding spot in a fic. Damn.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alyssa finds out something about Emma she didn't want her to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we start this chapter, I just wanted to say two things. First, you may need to go back to the second chapter for continuity reasons because I forgot to add a very important plot point at the end. Second, thanks for all of your support! It makes me so happy to see that there are people leaving Kudos and bookmarking this and commenting! I may not respond to every comment but I read all of them!
> 
> FYI: There's a brief mention of a car accident and slightly more in-depth mentions of alcoholism.

Emma looked so casual at practice on Friday afternoon, and that was honestly the only way Jess could describe. Not to discredit the work she put in, it was still a hundred and ten percent like it always was with Emma, there was just a different energy about it. Jess picked up the pace to try and keep up with her to try and hold a conversation.

“So, what’s up with you today?”

Conveniently for Emma, they were working on backstroke, something Jess admittedly struggled with, so Emma could keep a lead and not have to really focus on the finer parts of a conversation. Win-win. “I’m just excited for this weekend, that’s all.”

“Since when is that a thing you say?”

Emma’s eyes lit up, not that Jess could see it, and suddenly on the turn way more water than usual spat out of the pool, some of it spraying Jess in the face from behind Emma. “Did I not tell you? I’m going to Alyssa Greene’s house after practice.”

She has to specify Greene because there are at least two other Alyssas at James Madison.

Jess nearly collided with the wall instead of turning properly, and she sputtered for air as she came up with a reply. “Wait. _The_ Alyssa Greene? The best cheerleader in our grade who literally every dude wants to date? How did you do that?”

“Oh, I don’t know. She blew up peanut brittle in chem on Monday and got super embarrassed, so I told her I’d help her out but then I couldn’t bring myself to actually give her my number so I just...slipped it in my hoodie and gave it to her?”

“Wait. Go back. She did what?”

Emma fell silent for a moment. “I...was not supposed to tell you that part.”

Jess started cackling and it’s enough to get the attention of the rest of the team. “Does this explain the uncomfortable looking blouse?”

“Her mother has standards for a first meeting; what can I say?”

Noah butted in all of a sudden. “Maybe you’ll be the first person to bring any sort of plus one to the cookie decorating party in a month.”

“First of all, shut up. Second of all, if it becomes more than just studying for chem, I am not inviting Alyssa Greene to a swim team holiday party; she’ll think it’s the corniest thing since corn itself. And because she’s on the cheer team she’ll think plus one is supposed to be romantic because all her friends have boyfriends.”

“You have a point,” Noah said in reply, though Emma swore she heard a twinge of disappointment in his voice. He was probably looking forward to teasing Emma for that until the day he graduated.

Finally, this was the cue for one of the freshmen to jump in. “What holiday party?” Foster asked.

Emma tried to go back to focusing on her usual rhythm, letting Noah deal with the explanation of that.

“You’ll hear more about it in December, but basically every year right before Christmas we have a little get together and make cookies and trash Hallmark movies and shit. It is pretty corny, in Emma’s defense.”

That was a very brief period of no distractions for Emma, because the next thing she knew, Jess was back on her trail.

“I wouldn’t have taken Alyssa Greene for the type to suck at chemistry.”

“You wouldn’t take her for a lot of what she is. She’s not a stereotypical golden girl,” Emma defended.

“Sure as hell feels like she is.”

“You’ve never spoken to her. She’s really just a kid too, you know.”

“Mm-hm…”

She texted me at three a.m. Monday night and that was her first message, I’m sure she’s got plenty more surprises.”

Finally Jess has had enough of this topic. “So what were _you_ doing up at three in the morning?”

“Oh, you know how it is. Dad was pissed at me for losing my hoodie even though I told him I knew where it was,” Emma shot back as calmly as possible, but her stress became visible in the way she sped up as though running from the issue. 

Though she was in the water, so how was that metaphor supposed to work?

“You’ve been worrying me lately.”

“Funny. Coach said the same thing.”

“Emma--”

“Can we not do this right now,” Emma asked, her voice suddenly dropping to a whisper, and it pained Jess to see how genuine she sounded. “I just want to not dread leaving school on a Friday like anyone else.”

Jess was sure that if she could properly see Emma’s face that would feel even more like a punch to the gut than it already was, so she just muttered “Fine,” and hardly said a word to Emma after that. Emma loved Jess with her whole heart in only the way best friends can love each other, but sometimes she felt safer when there were no words exchanged at all, and Jess knew that. She always seemed to know what Emma was thinking.

It was toward the end of practice when Emma spotted Alyssa pacing the hall, waiting for her. That was odd. Emma told her to meet her at the main entrance of the school. Then Coach blew his whistle and told everyone there wasn’t time for the usual wrap-up because he ran a little late today. That was when it clicked. Shit. She really had to hurry up now so Alyssa didn’t think she abandoned her. And if that meant she hardly had time to shower or dry off then so be it.

Alyssa’s point of view of Emma trying to cut back on time was mildly entertaining at least, and hey, it made up for Emma’s practice running late. She was still trying to shove the sleeve of her denim jacket on while hurrying out of the pool area and giving a quick goodbye to her teammates. Her hair was clearly still damp from the shower as she gave an out of breath greeting to Alyssa, who took one look at her and knew she’d be freezing in the mid-November weather since she hadn’t dried off properly. But at least she looked nice. Beautiful, if Alyssa dared to let her mind go there.

“Hey,” Emma panted.

“That was quick.”

“I promise I usually take more comprehensive showers.”

Alyssa thought about the sweatshirt. She had clung to its scent before she had to give it back to Emma on Tuesday. It smelled distinctly of chlorine, like she’d noticed before, but now it indicated that Emma’s statement wasn’t true.

“Obviously. What made you think I would think otherwise?”

But now the only question was _Why_?

_Who was Emma Nolan?_

“I...don’t know,” she admitted.

“Are you alright with walking to my place?”

“Yeah, I walk home most days anyway. Good cardio,” Emma told her.

Alyssa fake gagged. “I forgot you care about your sport,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“And you don’t? You’re, like, destined to be cheer captain senior year.”

“Just another thing my mom makes me do. I hate it most of the time,” Alyssa said it so casually like if that were common knowledge it wouldn’t totally change Edgewater’s perception of her.

“Oh.”

Emma’s cheeks went pink as a silence blanketed them for the rest of the journey to Alyssa’s house, and she tried to convince herself it was because of the cold because Alyssa couldn’t know what she was really thinking.

The Greene household, even from the outside, looked like the sort of house that belonged to someone in power. This was definitely one of the bigger properties in Edgewater because it was in the general vicinity of the lake, and it made sense, because Mrs. Greene was the only real estate agent in town by now. Of course, she only came here from Indianapolis, with a young Alyssa in tow, when her husband left her, leaving Alyssa with at least some of the experience of the privilege she once had. Even then, she was still pretty privileged for living around here. She probably didn’t even realize it. She hung around the types of kids who were popular because at the end of the day they had money. Enough to keep up with fashion trends, at least. 

Looking past how her family would never be able to afford this property even though it was just on the other side of town, Emma took in the sheer pristine quality of it. A clean white exterior with a neatly cut garden, it screamed perfect suburban life so loudly that it almost made Emma feel sick.

“You've got a nice house,” she mumbled as they came up the porch steps.

“Uh, thanks?”

Of course, Alyssa wasn't going to know how to reply to that.

Mrs. Greene met them at the door. Emma wasn't quite sure how to act as she spoke. “Oh, I was wondering when you’d show up.”

Emma forced a smile as she shook Mrs. Greene’s hand, then cleared her throat. “Hi, ma’am.”

Mrs. Greene looked at Alyssa and chuckled. “She’s certainly more polite than most of your friends.”

“Mom.”

“I think she’ll be a good influence on you,” Mrs. Greene said after a moment of scanning Emma’s face.

Emma froze, unsure of how to react to that. Once again, for about the third time that week, Alyssa swooped in to save her from her own awkwardness. “Mom, do you really want to talk about Emma like this right in front of her?”

“You two can head upstairs; I’m planning on starting dinner if you're going to stay until then.”

“I'm not sure when my dad will want me home,” Emma replied to the offer. 

Neither of the other two women in the room would have any reason to pick up on the fact that such phrasing was code for _I don’t know when he’ll notice I’m not there._

“Alright. Study hard in the meantime,” Mrs. Greene’s tone sounded sweet, but she sent a stony look to Alyssa that immediately made Emma understand why she had freaked out over a bad grade as Alyssa practically dragged her up the stairs.

The moment she shut her bedroom door, Alyssa was talking again.

“I'm sorry about my mom. She can be a bit... much.

Emma shrugged. “At least she cares. And honestly, I'm grateful for the offer,” she said, dumping her bag on the floor next to Alyssa's desk.

Everything in this bedroom was neat. Too neat. Mrs. Greene regularly dusted the ceiling levels of neat. Its walls were painted a pale pink, as though the color wasn’t meant to be noticed. It was nothing compared to the amount of flashy blue ribbons on it, photographs of the perfect girl in a perfect dress hung up in rustic brown frames. Even her own bedroom reeked of perfection.

“So...should we get started?”

A while later and Alyssa was groaning at another problem on the sheets that had been assigned for homework, her head face planted into her desk. Emma resisted the urge to laugh as she ranted. “You make it look so easy! How do you understand all this science-y stuff?”

“It's a backup plan. If for some reason swimming doesn't work out or I can't get my coaching qualifications I could see myself going into marine biology.”

“You really wanna do that stuff for a living?”

“Sure,” Emma said, and now it's her turn to be casual about something that was kind of a big deal. “Whenever I get on the block I imagine winning some big, fancy award just to spite the crowd here that totally doesn't care, but what I really want to do is change somebody's life the way Coach Boomer has helped me. And if I can do that by competing or coaching, it won't matter whether or not I’m someone renowned.

“How does a high school coach change someone's life?”

“It's not like this for everyone, I know, but the ragtag team Boomer put together gave me a place I feel safe. Gave me some sort of purpose and confidence that I can get to a point like the one I dream about.”

“I wish I knew what the fuck I wanted to do with my life,” Alyssa grumbled. It felt like it came out of nowhere.

“You’ll get there, and based on your reactions to chemistry it will not help you make that decision, so don't worry too much. Some of just...get there sooner than others.”

“Do not make me go back to studying, Nolan, let me ask you a weird question.”

“Ugh, fine,” Emma said playfully, yet still she somehow concealed the fact she was excited that Alyssa wanted to talk to her about something unrelated to school.

“Where’d you get that hoodie from?”

Emma knew immediately what Alyssa was talking about and went quiet for a moment. “...When my grandad noticed my interest in swimming he drove me all the way out to New York to see the ocean. But not, like, the good part of New York with the city and stuff. He wanted to show me a real beach too, so he took me to the Long Island Sound. Beautiful views, but more of the same hicktown suburb vibe as it is here, except their equivalent to Hoosier pies are bagels and they fold their pizza in half when they eat it, which is super weird. Anyway, I'm rambling now so I'm gonna stop.”

Alyssa could listen to Emma ramble forever.

“Oh, I don’t care that you’re rambling.”

“Really? ‘Cause Greg does,” she said, adding a slight chuckle so Alyssa knew it was lighthearted.

“You guys must be close.”

“Oh, yeah. When his parents were alive I was closer to them than my own parents. He’s more like a brother than a cousin.”

“Sounds nice.”

“It is.”

There was another comfortable silence brought about by Emma being unsure how to segue into what would either be going back to balancing chemical equations or letting herself be distracted by Alyssa’s subtle ways to try and get her not to do that. On one hand, she could get herself in trouble with Mrs. Greene, but on the other hand, Alyssa actually seemed to care about Emma beyond getting out of studying, and the longer Emma looked at her, the harder it was to focus on how she knew they had to study. To further distract her, the pleasant aroma of a home-cooked meal came drifting up the stairs and she supposed she let her guard down a little too much.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, let’s just get back to work.”

Alyssa’s puppy dog eyes did nothing to make Emma’s intentions waver. But she thought about it. She thought about telling Alyssa everything; looking into her sweet gaze and bearing her soul, telling her everything she wanted to become was the only escape she had from parents who hated her at worst, simply didn’t care at best. At the end of it all, she’d be sitting there with tears streaming down her face and Emma Nolan would finally kiss Alyssa Greene. There would be two outcomes. Alyssa wouldn’t care about her family and kiss her back, or she would be so repulsed that she told everyone everything. Either way, Emma would end up leaving her house. Whether it be because CPS got involved or she got up and left on her own, it didn’t really matter. She didn’t have anything left to lose, anyway. At least, that’s how it felt on these shitty days when she walked into her friends’ lives and found a house that was at least sort-of clean, and it didn’t reek of beer, and it wasn’t _visible_ if the inhabitants' lives were falling apart. There would be no dishes piled in the sink and no dirty laundry on the stairs. No vomit stains on the basement floor because their mothers didn’t get sick of dealing with their fathers’ hangovers and make them sleep in the basement where they could be violent and disgusting and forget every heartless thing they said to their daughters in peace.

Emma really didn’t want to be this closed off, but whenever she told anybody anything it ended badly.

_You’re a disgrace._

_I know where it is, Dad._

_It’s the last thing you had of your fucking grandfather and if you want to lose it, fine._

_You’re a hypocrite, telling me that. You didn’t care about him. He offered to help you, you said no._

_I don’t want handouts._

_You drank yourself out of a job; you can’t even get one at a gas station, and you’re calling rehab a handout?_

_Don’t talk to me that way. You and your mother can figure something out._

_That’s what we’ve been doing._

All that over a fucking hoodie. Emma was pretty sure most kids her age didn’t have to help their parents pay the bills. It wasn't always that way. Hell, she had some memories of a truly great father, but sometime five years ago everything changed when her paternal grandparents died suddenly in a car crash and her dad never recovered. They tried everything in their power to help him but they never seemed to find something that stuck, and he kept spiraling until they hit right about now.

The only thing Emma could hope to do about it was working her ass off to get out of there. It shouldn’t have surprised her, then, that her parents were disappointed in her choice to pick up an extra-curricular rather than help out at home, but she couldn’t possibly devote everything she had to a trainwreck. What was the point, if it was going to fall apart anyway?

“You seem distracted all of a sudden.”

“I’m good.”

All of a sudden dinner came and went in a respectable manner and Emma looked at the time on her phone, slightly worried when she realized it was after six, and it would be closer to seven when she got home.

“Thanks for having me, but I should get going.”

“Do you have a ride?” Mrs. Greene asked.

“No, ma’am. I was just gonna walk home.”

“Can you call someone to pick you up?”

If it had been this long, Emma knew what was happening. “No, ma’am.”

“Odd,” Mrs. Greene muttered under her breath, but it was nicely shielded by Alyssa’s offer.

“If you’ve got to walk home, let me go with you. It’s getting dark and you never know what could happen.”

“I’ll be fine. I told you I usually walk home.”

“No, I insist, I want to talk to you more anyway, without trying to get stuff done.”

Emma blushed, yet simultaneously froze on the spot. This was a bad idea. “If you want, I guess.”

Alyssa looked to her mother.

“I trust you.”

“Yes!” Alyssa squealed.

Emma burst out laughing. “Why are you excited?”

“Because!”

“That’s not an answer.”

They kept conversation smooth from the moment they walked out the door until they reached Emma’s block, at which point she changed topics awkwardly.

“I just wanted to thank you, real quick.”

“Why?”

“It’s hard to work around my practice schedule sometimes, and not a lot of people wanna talk to the rumored lesbo apart from those guys.”

Alyssa rolls her eyes. “They’re just rumors, and besides, my schedule is twice as insane.”

“Yeah, but, they’re not wrong,” Emma blurted out. It was gone before she could do anything and she hated knowing why. There was a beat before she continued, in which Alyssa froze, wide-eyed. “And I don’t know why I just said that to you of all people, I just didn’t want to get attached and then have you be pissed at me when you started hearing that stuff--”

“Hey,” Alyssa finally cut her off. “I don’t care about that. I wanna know...everything about you.”

“What…?”

“Take a breath. Calm down. I won’t tell anyone. This is your place, right?” Alyssa somehow brushed past it so casually, gesturing to the tiny house in front of them.

“Y-yeah.”

Suddenly there was an ugly crash followed immediately by the shattering of glass that came from inside the house, yet somehow it could be heard from the street. Alyssa winced while Emma just went pale. This was exactly what she was afraid of.

“What was that?”

There was a faint, shrill scream from inside in place of a response from Emma. “Dammit, Michael! How do you flip a whole fucking table! You need to get your shit together, there are people on the street seeing this! You’re so wasted you can’t close a damn window?!”

Finally, Emma managed to say something. “...You need to go.”

“This is a borderline dangerous situation.”

“That you know nothing about,” Emma’s suddenly screaming as loud as her mother, only Alyssa looked afraid of it while her father didn’t. At least an argument could be made that Emma simply didn’t know any better since she’d been in the middle of scenes like this for so long. “Just go! I know how to handle my own dad! And for the record, you didn’t see any of this! Got it?!”

“Not a peep,” Alyssa finally mumbled, and she turned around to start heading back to her own house. One where things like this didn’t happen.

If she could feel so terrified after only one five-second interaction, how traumatized was Emma? Especially considering she seemed more scared of Alyssa knowing about it than what actually happened. That was the distinction here. Emma was afraid of the reality of this despite living in it. Mrs. Nolan was not. Alyssa got home and she couldn’t stop thinking about it, but she made a promise to Emma, so she simply lie awake for far longer than she should have. For herself, she was glad it was Saturday tomorrow. For Emma, not so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the next chapter will be happier than that ending.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alyssa couldn't stand not hearing from Emma, so she decided to do something about it. Pretty quickly they got closer than expected, so it seemed obvious what happened next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *emerges from a jail cell with nothing but a laptop in it*  
> ...How y'all doin'? I am so sorry about my last fic. And I promised you happiness, so here it is.

_hey_

_can we talk?_

Those text messages had been staring back up at Alyssa Greene, unanswered by Emma, since last Saturday. Still, every day when she woke up it was the first thing she checked because she really liked Emma. She liked her an irrational amount. She knew that before everything happened, of course. She had this yearning to get to know the girl with a smile that actually meant something and the shining blue eyes that Alyssa could drown in and the voice of an angel that was rough around the edges for as long as she could remember. But now she had talked to Emma, and her laugh made Alyssa’s stomach do flips and she gripped onto every word she said as if her life depended on it. Looking at her in those spare moments where no one else was around was the only time that Alyssa felt like she was really herself, even if that meant she was going stir-crazy inside her own head and her heart was buck-wild.

So, yeah. She could admit to herself that she had a crush on Emma, and she wasn’t about to let that slip through her fingers, so that morning upon still not hearing from her, Alyssa rolled out of bed, ready to make a last-ditch effort to talk to her. She hoped the outfit she picked out wasn’t too formal, and just in case it didn’t have enough maroon on it to be passable for a school sports event, she pulled her letterman on over top as she greeted her mother, who was sitting in the dining room, reading the paper.

“Hey, mom.”

Mrs. Greene turned around at the sound of her daughter’s voice, eyes widening when she saw she was dressed. “Someone’s excited.”

“Yeah, and?”

“There’s gotta be someone on that team besides Emma that you’re thinking about.”

Alyssa froze, and Mrs. Greene laughed at that.

“Ha, I knew it!”

“N-no…!”

* * *

“Alright, what is up with you, Nole?”

She sighed as she stood up from where she just finished her last-minute stretches. “Nothing.”

“Nothing my ass,” Coach Boomer grunted, and Emma stifled a laugh as she realized that the comment garnered the attention of a couple of parents with particularly sharp ears. “You’ve been distracted all week, it’s not like you.”

“Sorry,” she mumbled. 

Before he could get another word in she turned away to set up at the block. It was here that she spotted the face of Alyssa Greene in the crowd, and suddenly it was as if she hadn’t stretched out at all. She went tense and got sweaty, and when she tried to breathe she got cut off and startled by the sound of the shrill beeping telling her to get set and then start, leaving her with a dive she knew she couldn’t recover from, not in a race this short and not in her weak spot of breaststroke. She tried to keep her rhythm, it was the only thing keeping her from going mad and drowning in thoughts of Alyssa hating her after last week. Her heart was so far out of sync from her strokes that she felt completely erratic, not helped by the pounding of lights and the buzz of the crowd. She just had to breathe, work on her breath and the rest would feel natural.

It was her worst race ever, and by the time it was over she felt like lead. It was too loud, everything was _too intense._ She didn’t want to think about the fact that her shitty time could’ve possibly cost the team a spot in Indianapolis for the championships, only the thing she’d been dreaming of since she was twelve, but the thought came up anyway. She was disappointing her coach, she let the whole team down--

She tried to run from it all before they could notice the anxiety hitting her like a ton of bricks, but of course, Alyssa knew where she was going, because she’d been dumb and gotten her heart stuck in her throat. As Emma pulled her swim cap off, she saw Alyssa running after her. Alyssa stopped about a foot from the door of the hatch as Emma shrunk into the dark of the bleachers when she finally stopped shaking enough to open it with her hairpin.

“Why are you here?!” Emma half-shouted, half-sobbed.

“I had to make sure you were okay after last week,” Alyssa said simply. _Had to_ , like it was an obligation, but clearly not one she was phased by having, unlike...everything else she had to do. “Can I come in?”

 _Say no, say no,_ Emma attempted to will herself into speaking, telling Alyssa to get the hell out of here, because why should either of them think she was anything more than a product of her family. Instead of that, though, she wound up in another wave of panic and suddenly she was racked with a sob. Just when Emma felt that she might just cave in on herself, Alyssa surged forward and wrapped her in a hug, holding up all the parts of her she thought were falling apart. Alyssa grabbed her hand as she sunk to the floor against the wall and then she whispered, “Give me your pin.” Emma silently complied, as her hands were now tremoring again and she wasn’t sure she could lock up herself. After that, Alyssa slid back down beside Emma, who was making herself as small as possible. They sat in silence for several minutes, listening as the pool distantly came back to life in another world. Finally, Emma spoke.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you, I just wasn’t thinking and--”

Before Emma could pit any more of the blame on herself, Alyssa interjected. “It’s okay. You were scared. I would be too. Hell, I’ve been there.”

“What...what do you mean?”

“My parents used to fight all the time before my dad left. It wasn’t as obvious. Just whispered shouting matches at my bedtime. But it still kept me up all night sometimes. It always annoyed me when they put up a front of perfection, but at least there weren’t any rumors.”

Instead of being solemn about this, Emma chuckled, grinning at Alyssa and looking her in the eye for the first time since the ordeal began. Alyssa felt her stomach flip as Emma spoke. “Well, welcome to the fucked-up parents of Edgewater club.”

Alyssa laughed at that for some reason, too. “That’s just the two of us.”

“Just the way it should be,” Emma smirked. 

It was only then that Alyssa noticed Emma had grabbed her hand again and she was now rubbing circles in the palm of her hand. Her throat went dry and only then did it smack her in the face that Emma was sitting here in nothing but her swimsuit. A swimsuit that was pretty tight, since that supposedly made less drag, according to Emma. A dizzying smile came crashing onto Alyssa’s face before she could get control of herself and she murmured, practically into Emma’s collarbone.

“I missed you, you know.”

Emma went red but only lost composure for a beat before her eyes widened. “Shit! I gotta get back out there!”

“You’re gonna kill it,” Alyssa said, nearly gagging at how sweet she sounded as she rose to her feet alongside Emma.

Emma’s eyes were glinting now, despite the dark. A show of her newfound determination and the cocky racer in her came back with a vengeance that made Alyssa swoon. “I know.”

Alyssa handed the hair clip back to Emma, trying to ignore the natural instinct of their fingers when they touched to sink into each other. There was a moment where they just existed in the purity of hidden love, too powerful to be seen by those who were outside and too heavy to be understood by either lover just yet. At that moment, nothing existed, but Emma pulled their still-linked hands apart after that absolutely blissful second and suddenly Alyssa’s fingers had to reconfigure their existence without Emma’s giving them a gentle pressure. She felt...funny, watching Emma walk away to unlock the hatch. Like they were never meant to leave each other, yet here they were, and the crowd’s chatter from just above them hit her like an explosion. The pour of artificial light as Emma pulled the hatch open was downright painful, like those fireworks that explode with pure white and make you have to shut your eyes so they don’t burn. It was framed in this light, though, that Emma turned to face Alyssa once more, and her messy blonde hair appeared almost like a halo as she pinned it back up. The glow was eventually concealed from view by her swim cap, but that didn’t stop Alyssa from knowing that at one point, it had been there. It was only when she was completely ready to jump back in the pool that Emma spoke her last words to Alyssa for that moment, giving a dorky salute as she did.

“See you around, Greene.”

Alyssa just saluted back, awestruck for a moment.

See you around had been something of an understatement, it turned out. Every moment that they could, the girls were texting, calling, back under the bleachers for lunch, or at Alyssa’s house. If it had been more socially acceptable, they would have been attached at the hip. This longing to be around Emma was growing more and more obvious by the second, so much so that even Kaylee, who wasn’t known for being the most attentive to detail, took notice of it one day in late November when they were getting ready for cheer and Alyssa was humming a tune under her breath.

“Hey, Lys, what’s that song you’ve been singing for days?”

Alyssa’s jaw dropped, cutting her off mid-note.

“I’m not trying to be rude, but I know most popular artists and I’ve never heard that one.”

“You know the _radio hits_ , Kayl. That’s different,” Shelby interrupted, but she didn’t let Alyssa off the hook. “But she has a point, what is it?”

“O-oh, it’s a song that Emma likes, you wouldn’t know it.”

“You know, if you’re so into Greg you talk an awful lot about Emma.”

“I’m working on it,” Alyssa suddenly snapped, confirming to the girls in front of her that no matter what reaction Emma got out of Alyssa, her reaction to Greg was bigger. The stress of fabricating a lie, she guessed. “I have to get his grandma to like me, that’s so much harder than a mother.”

“Alyssa, I swear to God, if you don’t make a move before Christmas break I’m killing you and then myself.”

That turned out to be easier than planned because a few days later Emma awkwardly stuttered something to Alyssa while she was splitting her lunch in half to give to her.

“So...ugh, this is gonna be awkward, but, um...the swim team is having our holiday party in a few weeks and I--I was wondering if you’d be my plus one? Not--not like a date, definitely not trying to hit on you if you don’t want that, but I figured...I figured we’re close enough, so I thought I’d ask if you wanted to go, and then Coach would stop shoving the idea of taking someone along down everyone’s throats.”

“Wait, Boomer’s encouraging this?”

“I swear, he wants us to get laid so badly, and it’s like, damn. Sorry I’m not on the cheer squad. Sorry we’re not cool like you were.”

Alyssa froze, chuckling a little, and the laughter got louder before Emma realized what she’d said.

“Was that rude? Did that go too far?” she was panicking again as Alyssa’s laughter grew more boisterous.

“No,” Alyssa said after breathing for a moment to hold back her howling. “It’s just true. I swear we’re not allowed within six feet of the football or basketball team during games to avoid someone going MIA. It’s happened too, a senior last year got pregnant right after our halftime performance at homecoming-- _while the band was playing_.”

“Ew! No!” Emma screamed in horror while playfully swatting Alyssa’s chest. “Didn’t they play Take on Me?!”

“Yeah,” Alyssa wheezed, now unable to hide how she was howling, full-on tears streaming down her face while Emma gagged so hard Alyssa couldn’t tell if it was real or not until she started shouting over Alyssa’s cackles that she wasn’t hungry anymore.

Clearly, a school-related get-together could go over without a snag.

A few weeks later, Alyssa was walking all the way to the Boomer household for this stupid thing. No, scratch that, the party wasn’t stupid. It was important to Emma, so it couldn’t be stupid. What was stupid was that Alyssa didn’t have a backup plan for when Emma inevitably had to head there early because for some reason Mr. Boomer trusted his idiot son Nick with the sparkling cider and the asshole filled it with the beer that was kept in a cupboard in the basement--How did Kaylee find that hot? Alyssa hated knowing where the alcohol was in this house before she ever rang the doorbell but that’s what happened because she felt a need to make sure her friends didn’t get themselves killed at a party. High school parties were incredibly weird to witness while sober, but Alyssa had a good feeling about this one. She reached forward to ring the doorbell.

After a moment the door was pulled open and Alyssa was greeted by the sight of Emma. She was finishing a sentence directed somewhere inside the house before she turned to Alyssa. There was a smile already etched into her cheeks as she met Alyssa’s gaze, clearly startled by her presence.

“Oh!... You’re earlier than I imagined,” she greeted.

“Well, _someone_ bailed on me, so I had to make sure I still got here,” Alyssa replied to the comment, voice light and sweet like she was ripped from a cheesy song on the radio.

She didn’t want to question how Emma could drive at the age of fifteen. That story was probably very illegal, but what else had Alyssa grown to expect from Emma’s parents?

Then Nick seemed to notice Alyssa was the one at the door, and he had to think that they were one and the same to say what he did. “Sorry my dad won’t let us have fun, Lys,” he said with a smirk as he suddenly emerged in the doorway.

Alyssa’s blood went cold. “No one asked you,” she shouted.

Jess intervened before Nick could react poorly to the guest or a further conflict could start. “Okay, why don’t you go back to your little glorified man-attic?”

Alyssa wasn’t sure if she was allowed to laugh as a squabble broke out on the stairs that involved Jess Monae pulling her brother up the steps, but Emma started chuckling, so she figured it would be fine. With this laughter, their breaths mingled in silver wisps on the winter air.

“I’m sorry about that,” Emma said. She was trying to be serious here but a smile still ghosted her lips. “You can come in, I’ve just gotta finish shoving these in the cooler and then I’ll take your coat.”

It was only then that Alyssa noticed that Emma was still holding an armful of ciders against her chest. After that beat, Emma interrupted herself with her own thought. “Actually, since I’ve got a half-dozen ciders right here, you want one?”

“I’m alright,” Alyssa replied, stepping into the house. She took a moment to take her coat and hat off herself while Emma somehow jammed the ciders in the cooler by the coffee table. She caught a piece of conversation from across the living room.

“This isn’t exactly the plus one I was hoping for, Nole.”

“I know,” Emma deadpanned, paying more attention to the crunch of ice than to her coach over her shoulder. She didn’t let him say anything else before shutting the lid of the cooler and walking over to Alyssa.

“You look nice,” she said meekly.

Alyssa felt her cheeks heat, and she took a glance down at her outfit. A plain red dress with a green cardigan. “Thanks. You do too,” she said with a shy grin.

Emma laughed at herself, or at Alyssa. Alyssa couldn’t really tell. “It’s literally just a flannel,” she muttered.

Technically, Emma wasn’t lying. Her outfit screamed _I don’t want to wear something festive,_ just a tank top with a red and green plaid strewn lazily overtop that slid off her shoulders--God, those shoulders--and a simple cuffed jean covering her legs. Part of her wanted to know why Emma always wore such loose clothes, but another part that she’d tried to repress knew the answer.

“Yeah, and? You always look nice.”

There was a pleasant, somehow charged silence as Emma watched Mr. Boomer go down the stairs and into the basement to get some old Christmas movie DVDs from the basement. Then they were left alone in the living room. The moment he was gone, Emma moved even closer, somehow, and spoke in a whisper.

“How did you manage to get your mother to let you wear that dress?” 

Her murmur made Alyssa’s skin tingle. They were touching in a dozen places and Alyssa felt even more alive than she ever had with Emma. Her breath smelled vaguely of cider, and from this view, Alyssa could see the dark spots in her eyes, the ones that could make her eyes look hazel from a distance, and count them. She watched as they trailed down to the edges of her thighs. She’d never liked that before, not when the boys did it. But Emma? To have Emma’s eyes made her feel powerful.

“Well, I told her I’d never wanna screw with my best friend’s cousin,” she whispered back, giddy.

Suddenly Emma whipped her flannel off and threw it neatly over her shoulder so it hung there. “So what about those rumors,” she said, finishing with a chuckle. “That you like him?”

“Uh--”

Emma raised an eyebrow and Alyssa thought she died for a second.

“I had to distract them from the peanut brittle thing!” she cried out defensively.

Emma took a step back and winked. “Good to know I’ve got blackmail against you now because I’ve caught Greg drinking milk straight from the carton,” she said as she did this, her tone suddenly switching to a lighthearted one.

“You’re kidding!”

Alyssa was still caught in the whiplash of the seemingly random tone shift when Jess interjected from the stairs, and suddenly it made sense.

“About what?” Emma called up the stairs, and Jess was practically sprinting down them when she yelled back.

“All of it! Greg--the milk carton, but--you like _Greg_?”

“I...I mean--”

“No fucking way!”

Out of nowhere, Mr. Boomer appeared in the hallway to witness the spectacle.

“Hey, Jess Monae! The hell did I hear you say?!”

Jess didn’t repeat it and hardly froze before replying “Yep, I’ll get the DVD player hooked up,” and then she disappeared again.

Then the doorbell rang, and Emma broke even further from Alyssa. “I’ll get it.”

She pulled the door open and Alyssa spotted Greg from where she was left standing. She heard Emma mutter “Come in, you bastard,” before she interjected herself.

“Wait, all this time you’ve been here and Greg hasn’t been?”

Emma’s face dropped suddenly. She shook her head solemnly and, in complete seriousness, said. “Oh, no. We don’t trust Greg in the kitchen.”

“And we still put him on cookie duty?!” There was a shout from somewhere down the driveway. Glancing out the window, Alyssa determined it was Noah, walking up the driveway with Foster and Salix in tow. Being the only junior in the group, he was the designated driver for most things like this...and he had a soft spot for the freshmen. Alyssa knew that only because Emma had told her. They had been discussing how Alyssa planned to get here originally.

_Doesn’t being in his car seem weird if we've never met?_

_Only if you think it is. The guys are super chill._

_I think it’s weird._

_I--I can drive if you want._

_You can drive? We’re both sophomores._

_...In a pinch, calling my morality, my obedience to the law, and respect for the cops into question._

_Alyssa laughed at that, not realizing the implication._

“No one else volunteered,” Emma called out to Noah, jolting Alyssa from her thoughts. “Now get your ass in here, you’re letting the cold in!”

It was funny to Alyssa how Emma could swear and not get in trouble with Mr. Boomer while Jess got scolded. However, since he wasn’t Emma’s dad, it wouldn’t be Mr. Boomer’s place to judge, whether or not he agreed with it, even though he cared about her more than her parents. Alyssa stood there staring out the window and let the thought sink in while Emma greeted her friends. Noah was yelling about knowing something was going to happen, but Alyssa was too consumed by her next sentence to hear what. What Emma said about letting the cold in, was it something she used to be told when her parents noticed she came in the house, a reminder of better times, or was it simply a learned behavior?

“Hey, Lys! Come meet my friends!”

“Oh, yeah, hi!”

Emma was different with these kids than she was in class day-to-day. She was clearly in a position of some sort of esteem with them, making it evident to Alyssa that although only Noah had actually been eligible to be the team’s captain as the only one in the group older than a sophomore, Emma was the one who was actually in charge, exuding a sort of charisma that left her friends hooked on every word. Alyssa was hooked too. She had been left expected to fill a lot of roles in the next two years. Future cheer captain, future debate team captain, future student council president, valedictorian for the Class of 2018 who would inevitably stay that way until senior year and give a speech at graduation. You name it, Alyssa was expected to take charge. Often she didn’t know what to do with that power, a hundred eyes stalking her at all times, but for such a shy person, Emma handled it gracefully. Granted, these were five of her best friends, but the point still stood. She wrapped up her introductory speech with ease and told the group she _had to get the deck of cards from upstairs_ , which was mostly responded to with a collective groan, and Alyssa pretended she knew what that meant as Emma dragged her off with her. They walked into one of the rooms, presumably Jess’s bedroom, where Emma had apparently been keeping a bag of her stuff. She fished through it as she spoke, facing away from Alyssa.

“Was I being kinda creepy earlier?”

“No...why?”

“I--I don’t know what came over me.”

Alyssa shrugged, not that Emma saw. “I was fine with it.”

“I wasn’t sure if it was weird or not so I just wanted to check in with you but I swear to God I wasn’t trying to flirt, I just wanted to make sure nobody heard it, and then... _that_ happened, and--”

It became clear that Emma was going to keep going until she was answered, so Alyssa cut her off. “Emma. It’s fine. You’re fine. And I’m fine with weird--well, I guess that depends on what you call weird--but I like when you’re weird because that’s just...you. Always has been, ever since you preferred the cars from our fourth-grade teacher’s model of New York City over the Hot Wheels, even though you weren’t meant to crash them together.”

Emma turned around suddenly at the mention of it, eyes shining. “You remembered?”

“Of course,” Alyssa breathed out like it had been the simplest thing in the world. Perhaps, to her, it was.

* * *

Emma had finally worked up the courage to the pretty new girl in her class at recess who she was inexplicably nervous about. Only when she was alone and unsure who to play with did Emma approach.

“Hi...I’m Emma.”

“‘Lyssa,” Alyssa said after a moment, a shy smile on her face.

“Do you wanna play cars with me?”

“Sure!”

Alyssa stood up to get the tub labeled ‘cars’ from the play area, but Emma pulled her in the other direction. 

“No, these cars are the good ones. They don’t bump when you roll them.”

“That sounds awesome,” Alyssa commented, showing genuine interest and only making Emma more excited.

Alyssa grabbed a car, a red one with a white top, and started looping it around a paper central park while Emma grabbed one of the many taxis on the model and clutched it to her fist, showing it to Alyssa.

These ones are cool,” she said, running a finger across its black checks. “I’ve never seen one of them for real.”

Alyssa raised her eyebrows. “I saw taxis all the time back home.”

“Where are you from?”

“Indianapolis,” she answered.

“Oh, my grandparents live there with my cousin. That’s cool that you’re from there too.”

“You say cool a lot.”

They fell into a rhythm of play for a little over half of recess as they got to know each other over a game of 20 questions, racing around Central Park and knocking over trees and lampposts before deciding to fly over them, at which point they decided their cars of choice were superheroes saving all the other cars, but they were fighting over who got to win some big award. Alyssa’s car could spit fire and Emma’s taxi had laser beams, so obviously only one of them could survive. It was then that Mrs. McKinley, the teacher, noticed what was happening at her model, and she raced over.

“What are you doing?!”

Emma fell silent, so Alyssa butted in instead. “We’re playing superhero cars!”

“You’re chipping the paint on the…” she sighed. “Alyssa, honey, I know Emma said it was fine, but we’re not allowed to play with these cars. These are Mrs. McKinley’s special cars, just for her. Why don’t you go play with someone else? Emma’s not exactly the best role model.”

Alyssa looked at Emma with a horror-filled expression, but there was no way for Emma to know if Alyssa was mad at her or shocked that Mrs. McKinley didn’t even attempt to lower her voice for the last sentence. So Emma just walked away, but not before dropping the taxi cab from as high as she could reach.

“Emma! Get back here!”

* * *

“God, Mrs. McKinley was a bitch.”

“Oh, totally.”

“And to think we could’ve been friends that whole time.”

“I would’ve liked that.”

Emma cleared her throat. “I found the cards. We should go.”

“Why did you bring them, anyway?” Alyssa asked as they made their way down the steps.

“I bring them on the bus for away meets. I can’t read or look at my phone or I get motion sick. Turns out Foster is amazing at card games, so now’s my chance to get the rest of the group to join in.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

A couple of rounds of games happened first, combined with enthusiastic chatter and competitive spirits. The chatter didn’t stop when the games did, and it overflowed until Greg was told to put his Gran’s cookie dough in the oven, at which point an ominous silence fell upon the group that Greg objected to.

“Come on guys, do you think I’m gonna burn the house down without even making the dough?”

Silence.

“Fine, fine,” Emma cut in. “Salix--what shitty made-for-TV movie are we watching today?”

“We’ve got a double feature,” they smirked, and the rest of the group died inside on the spot, light disappearing from everyone’s eyes. Still, Salix continued. “Comparing _Snowglobe_ and _A Snowglobe Christmas_ , they said, pulling the DVD cases from behind their back.

“Wait...Is that...the same actress?” Alyssa questioned, looking between the boxes.

“Yup!” Salix was way too excited about this. “But the movies have no relation to each other!”

Foster shook their head slowly from beside Alyssa. “I regret joking about this.”

The group gave a collective hum of agreement, leaving Alyssa out of the joke, which felt...nice, oddly. She didn’t have to know the ins and outs of everything here, and it was somehow freeing.

All in all, the day was successful, the movies were terrible, the conversation _just kept going_ so fast Alyssa couldn’t keep up on top of not understanding half of the jokes, no one was drunk, and there was no kitchen fire. Pretty good, as far as the swim team was concerned. Still, something lingered in the back of Alyssa’s mind about that little thing with Emma she understandably couldn’t stop thinking about.

“Did you drink the spiked cider before it was switched?”

“...Why do you ask?”

“That kind of weird was nothing like you.”

“Maybe I did,” Emma admitted.

Alyssa was silent in pure confusion for a moment. To be honest the question was sort of a joke. She didn’t expect that response.

“Why?”

“It sounds dumb, but I wanted to understand it. I wanted answers. I wanted to know why it’s worth ruining your relationships, your reputation, your career, all of your desires in life, just to feel a buzz.”

“Did you get any closer...to those answers?”

“That’s the thing, I don’t know.”

“Oh?”

“I’m not anywhere closer to understanding what happened to my dad to make him the way he is, but at the same time, I feel like I’m chasing the same deadly spark in a totally different way. One that would make me happy in the long run, but it’s gonna blow up in my face now, and there’s a twin flame, working in tandem that I will never reach, period. And I just...don’t know where to go.”

Alyssa had no clue what the fuck she was talking about. It was probably better that way.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alyssa gets invited to the State Championships by the team, and she begins to understand why Emma looked forward to it as much as she did, but she only knew half of the story.

After the holiday party, the team got so used to seeing Alyssa walk home with Emma after practice for one of their study sessions that they started lovingly calling her a part of the team, even when they were hanging out less in January because the swim team was preparing for the statewide competition. Of course, Emma’s poor time a few months ago was hardly anything; it was one race. Regardless of it, the team was pumped by the idea of going to Indianapolis, especially since they would be defending their title from the previous year as the reigning champions. It seemed impossible for such a small team with no money, but they worked hard. It seemed like at least once a week Alyssa would be hearing about someone making a new personal best, shaving off a few seconds. She was already excited for them, but hearing about it only made her want to watch them compete even more. So she asked her mother if she could drive her there. Her mother said she had a house showing. The next day Alyssa reported this information to Emma and her friends rather dejectedly, and it was in their reply that she figured out exactly what they thought of her.

“So you can come on the bus with us!” Jess said it like it was the simplest thing in the world.

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah, you’re basically one of us now,” Foster commented, and Alyssa watched in amazement as everyone else seemed to agree. Her eyes drifted to Emma, quickly going red in the face.

“Is that allowed?”

“You just need a permission slip and to buy tickets for all three days,” Foster offered with a shrug.

“Is Coach Boomer okay with it?”

“We’ll ask him for you!”

Like a cloud of chaos incarnate, half the team began their descent onto the coach to ask him his opinion. Emma and Jess hung back with a very mortified Alyssa, and they couldn’t help but laugh at both her dead-inside expression and the flurry of kids talking over each other that shocked the coach as he stepped out of the supply closet. His response to it was just to hand Alyssa a permission slip, which was met with cheers. He gave her a stone-cold look, too, but it wasn’t a disapproving stare. If Alyssa knew what she was looking at, he was saying _If you let these kids down I’ll kill you._

Alyssa's mother agreed to it, thankfully. And so it was. Instead of being witness to the disgusting quantities of teenage heterosexual bullshit that were considered Valentines Day celebrations in high school, Alyssa got to climb onto a coach bus with the girl she was pretty sure she had a crush on, and all of her friends, including the boy all of her friends thought she had a crush on.

Christ, a candy-gram sounded so much simpler than this.

It was a 3-hour drive from Edgewater to Indy, so of course, Greg prepared a whole playlist for the ride. It was basic white people songs everyone knows. Sweet Caroline, Billy Joel, Stacy’s Mom, the whole nine yards including the Cotton-Eyed Joe. Alyssa knew they had a better collective music taste than this, but it was evident from how a minor squabble broke out that they couldn’t agree on one thing apart from this. Part of Alyssa wanted to ask Coach Boomer why he banned show tunes and led them here, but then again, watching everyone collectively scream the opener of _The Lion Sleeps Tonight_ somehow was better than the idea of Greg screlting Defying Gravity. She could live with everyone being slightly off-key if she didn’t have to witness that, though apparently, it wasn’t even Wicked that caused this, because Noah wouldn’t shut up about _the hell that was the Glee version of Baby Got Back for an hour straight._ Alyssa wasn’t about to press him for details. Meanwhile, Emma was back to her usual card game shenanigans (Albeit they were pumped up, she brought extra decks of varying sorts.) with everyone bunched into the back of the bus by the time they hit the highway, everyone yelling along to the songs and leaving Greg in charge of the music. Alyssa couldn’t help but notice how Emma would rock back and forth to every beat of every song without realizing as they played, as if the beats and melodies of them lived inside of her, waiting to come out. She wasn’t sure how long she got lost in that simple thought of Emma, but she was startled from a steady, silent gaze out the window by a hand smacking her in the eye. She looked up and found that Noah and Jess were standing in the aisles of the bus performing a very dramatic YMCA. Coach Boomer, who was driving this anarchy bus, was far too desensitized to the free-for-all that was this group. Alyssa resisted the urge to grab their wrists and drag them back into their seats on his behalf, not wanting to make a scene. Thankfully, she was pulled from the urge by a text just barely getting through her data. It was Kaylee, asking where the hell she was. As she read that, it hit Alyssa for the first time that she didn’t know how to explain the situation she found herself in. She looked up from her phone and suddenly Emma was standing, begging Greg to turn off the song so Jess and Noah didn’t get killed. Perhaps the situation was meant to be self-explanatory. Alyssa slipped the camera of her phone on without anyone seeing.

“Greg, please, they have no self-control, they just hit Lys in the face--”

“Yet you’re standing, so why should I listen to you?”

He was willfully ignoring that she had a death grip on the top of his seat. Then they hit a speedbump and the whole bus, apart from Greg, shared a collective yelp as Noah and Jess were nearly shot to the front of the bus. Thankfully the chorus had passed so they could grab onto a chair.

“Please!”

“Okay, fine, but I choose the song.”

“Deal.”

There was a pause before the opening chords of a song that Alyssa didn't recognize started blasting and Emma reacted by lightly smacking her cousin in the face as he lipsynced something.

“We're your Weather Girls, and boy, do we got _news_ for you!”

Alyssa stopped the camera and sent the video to Kaylee with no context, ignoring how it drained the battery on her phone. She brought a portable charger for a reason. She stared at the unread message on the screen for a moment and judging by the time Kaylee was going to first period, so she allowed herself to say what she was thinking for once, judgment-free.

**I’d say paradise but...ech**

**Have a good day at school x**

After a while, things appeared to calm down, though Alyssa didn't exactly trust the stability of the silence. The sudden onset of quiet was reflected in the endless stretch of highway. No changes to the scenery except for the endless, noiseless passing of cars. The rest of the team was now on their phones, leaving Emma staring blankly out the window.

“You alright, Em?”

A strangled noise came from Emma’s throat, and it took Alyssa far too long to realize it was because she had still been humming along to the music, so quiet that it had been nearly inaudible.

“Yeah.”

She barely acknowledged Alyssa, not even turning from the window. Then she switched to singing the lyrics, and it was clearly a song she knew well. It didn’t even occur to Alyssa that the song was Country Roads until the chorus because it didn’t sound like a country song when Emma sang it, but it didn’t sound like a joke either. It was just...Emma.

Alyssa’s phone buzzed again and she found it was already half-past eight, meaning it was probably passing time and she received a text back from Kaylee.

**what have you gotten yourself into**

The reply was simple.

**I dont know**

A half-hour later, the group arrived at their motel, which was another half-hour from the school where the weekend’s events were taking place. From there, everyone started picking roommates. Jess shot Emma a wink from across the room and offered to stay with her stepdad. Greg turned to Noah, and Salix and Foster immediately grouped together. 

“I--I’ll room alone if you’d like,” Emma stuttered.

“Why would you do that?”

“Y’know, because I’m…” she gestured at nothing and it took Alyssa too long to process it.

“I don’t care about that, I thought you knew that.”

“Are...are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

They didn’t have too long after that, opting to get a quick meal in before heading to the school where everything was hosted. It was huge, with long, winding hallways that bordered on elegant. It was clear from the pristine white tiles of the pools that this school sponsored the event, and if that didn't give it away, the green and black banner that read _FUNDED IN PART BY THE GARRISON-CLARKE PRIVATE SCHOOL._ There were other banners stating other benefactors, but they all were in the same colors.

“Imagine having this much money,” Alyssa murmured, astounded.

“There's another pool in this school,” Emma replied. “And it’s just as nice. Why do you need two? With heaters?”

One of the girls on one of the many teams scattered around the pool area took immediate notice of Emma's voice. Of course, she's wearing a green and black swimsuit with a gator on the chest, the polar opposite to James Madison’s red and gold.

“Nolan! Trash talking one of the best in the game already?” That takes nerve.”

“There are only 16 spots here and everyone knows that Garrison takes one every year, I’d say I’ve earned it.”

“There’s a reason we’re on top, and you’re not gonna ruin my last championship.”

“Ruin? If anything, I made it more exciting.”

There was a beat of awkward silence. Then the girl flatly asked, “Oh, hang on, who’s this?”

“Alyssa,” she finally said, sticking out a hand for the girl to shake, but she ignored her and just looked at Emma with some strange expression Alyssa couldn’t name.

“I should get back to my team,” She stated before turning and walking away.

“So...are you guys friends or about to kill each other?”

“I...it’s complicated. We _sort of_ get along and text every once in a blue moon, but also do this thing where we hype each other up for the competition and it looks like we hate each other. We’ve only seen one another in-person here, so…”

“Ah.”

* * *

“Hey, newbie, why aren’t you talking to your teammates?”

A freshman-year Emma stared up at the junior in green and black.

“Nerves,” she replied instantly, robotically.

“Yeah, I’ve never seen a group here without matching suits...you must be pretty good, though.”

“We try.”

“Y’know, they say the best swimmers are the quietest ones, never brag about anything and shock everyone.”

Emma gave her a look as she asked her name.

“Emma. Emma Nolan.”

“I like it. I like you,” the girl says, sitting down beside her and running a hand through her hair

“Wait, what?”

“Staring at the water as if you want to bend it to your will. Soft-spoken, yet commanding when needed. I bet you, in particular, are great out there.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“You needed to hear it,” she said plainly, cutting straight to the chase. “I’m V, by the way. Your name is better than mine.”

“Okay?”

There was a call from across the room. “Dammit V, get back over here, you slacker!”

“And it looks like the show is about to begin! See you around, newbie.”

* * *

Emma sat with Alyssa through the boring opener speech by the principal of this school. The only thing that changed compared to last year was...well, the year said in the speech itself, then they were headed to their designated locations for the first round of competitions. Alyssa was glad to find that she wouldn’t have to put up with any more Garrison kids--for now. The competition itself was fast. Their competition was the first of two in this particular pool, meaning they didn’t have to wait in the locker room, and the tiny swim team of James Madison easily crushed that of Dean High School, so easily that she had to presume the competitors on that team were simply nervous about going against last year’s victors. She wondered what it felt like to be a kid from Dean, decked out in your school colors, pristine and matching, only to lose to the oddballs who couldn’t afford real suits, in the first round. By the time they finished, it was only 3 p.m., but they had to wait until later that night to know who they’d be up against, so the rest of Friday was free for them to settle into their room and do whatever else needed to get done. They used it to head to a restaurant because they could, and once more conversation didn’t stop.

Highlights included Foster throwing garlic bread at Jess and nearly getting the whole group kicked out.

* * *

Emma could hardly believe it went that well as she paced around the hallway, waiting for her teammates to dry off so they could head back to the hotel. To her surprise, V came rushing down the hallway from the other pool, anticipation painted on her face.

“Hey, newbie! Quick shower?”

Emma nodded.

“Nice to know I’m not the only crazy one in the world. Locker rooms are gross.”

Without the nerves about competing, Emma got a good look at V. Her hair was short, with a streak of it dyed purple, though it was fading thanks to the chlorine of the pool. The denim jacket that layered over her day clothes was covered in pins and patches. And a pride flag. She was everything Emma wanted to be, but she knew that was impossible.

Maybe that’s why things went--and ended--the way they did.

“Anyway, how’d it go for you guys?”

“Made it to the quarter-finals, barely.”

“Oof. You’re gonna have to work a lot harder to beat us.”

“You’re acting as if you want us to?”

“Maybe I do. Maybe it’d be...fun, make it more exciting. We do win every year, after all,” V smirked. She stepped forward and grabbed Emma’s hand.

“What--what are you doing?”

“Oh, uh, do you listen to Girl in Red?”

Emma’s eyes widened and she blushed, looking away for a moment before nodding quickly.

V kissed her. It was weird. Like it wasn’t supposed to happen according to the laws of the universe, yet the two of them bent those laws for something Emma couldn't name. Lips smushed awkwardly into each other, a tongue slid in at some point. But it was still better than kissing a boy, by a million miles, so she convinced herself kissing was meant to be this strange, for a few fleeting seconds, because she liked V. She liked that V put up this cocky persona but also seemed to really like her--really be a genuine person beneath it. They just couldn’t be here for Emma to see it.

“What are you doing?!”

“Don’t worry--no one cares here.”

“But I--I don’t--”

“Whoah, hey, are you okay?”

“No one can know about me, my parents will throw me out of the house.”

“Oh, okay. So...I’ll meet you at your hotel.”

“You...you want to…?”

“Yeah?”

Emma laughed dryly. “You know I’m a freshman, right?”

“Yeah, duh.”

Emma grinned, blushing once more. She looked around slowly. “Kiss me again, I’m ready this time.”

V agreed to it.

* * *

Emma tried to shake the memories of V out of her mind, knowing Alyssa hadn’t taken kindly to her. But she didn’t know her. Emma was the one that saw beyond the cocky exterior; the very same one she had adopted for herself when the world got too much and she wanted to feel like she was in control. She told Alyssa they texted, but that was only at three in the morning, when they were lonely and falling apart at the seams, full of shit like _I miss you, I wish you’d take me out of Edgewater and kiss me again, take me from this shitty family so I don’t have to be afraid anymore, I can’t stand being afraid of us, whatever we are. Of this. Of myself._ But that was only at 3 a.m., supposedly the devil’s hour, and the only time any of this could work. It was no wonder they hadn’t put a label on it, but she had a choice now. Now that she was back in this shitty motel, she could take a chance on V, or fall back into Alyssa. Neither were concrete choices. Both had consequences, first of all, but there were pushes and pulls to each.

Alyssa was lost in thought on the other mattress too. She suddenly remembered her reality before her father left. Her mother had told her once that someday she’d be going to a private school in the heart of the city, that they were already saving up. She wasn’t expecting Mr. Greene to walk out and effectively half their income only 2 years later. She recalled how empty and huge her room felt that night, and she still swore she could have drowned in those covers. No--she did. And she screamed and she cried and she begged for her Papa to _come back_ , to save her from the drowning. All her mother could do was sit there, tears in her eyes, knowing she could feel herself sinking too. This motel, this place, felt just as huge and unfamiliar. Somehow like a betrayal.

If she lived in a world where she still had her dad, she wouldn’t be in this motel. She’d be attending a school like the one she and Emma lightly mocked. And she had to wonder--would she have fallen for a snobby asshole like _that girl_ , or would she still have stumbled upon Emma in some twist of fate?

A sob woke Emma up and she sat bolt upright before glancing at the alarm clock beside her. _1:13 a.m._ Fuck. She rubbed her eyes before processing where she was. _Fuck._

“Shit, Lys, you alright?”

She didn’t reply, only thrashing under the covers. Emma stood immediately, walking over to her bed. “Hey, what happened?”

She was reminding herself of her father. Before he turned to shit, he’d sit at her bedside in the early hours of the morning ‘to ward off the monsters that gave her that nightmare'. She never knew how long he stayed there.

“Just a bit homesick,” Alyssa mumbled hoarsely, choosing to simplify it, and not say she was homesick for something that she last had seven years ago.

Emma wanted to know what that felt like, to be homesick. But maybe she already did, she was just homesick for this place.

She started tearing up, too.

* * *

“I’m so glad you don’t have a roomie, that would’ve been awkward.”

Emma laughed, but she was cut off by a kiss. Suddenly her knees went weak and she fell against the shut door.

“Am I that good?” V asked jokingly as another kiss softened the blow. “Damn.”

Emma nodded quickly, and V took it as a reason to move her kisses to her neck, then they kept going lower until they were against the collar of Emma’s shirt.

“Are we really doing this?”

“If you want it, we have one weekend.”

“O-okay. Yeah...keep going.”

* * *

“What can I do?”

Finally, Alyssa turned to face Emma, tears in her eyes and pouring down her face. “Can you stay here?”

“Are you implying I remind you of home, Greene? I am everything Edgewater hates.”

“That’s why I like you.”

_Why the hell did Alyssa kiss her, and why the hell did she kiss back?_

Well, this was certainly a meeting of Edgewater’s fucked-up families club. She didn't mind, though. It felt like a natural progression of their friendship. Going from cuddling while watching a movie (They were admittedly more handsy than the average lesbian and straight girl.) to kissing was effortless and it wiped away whatever tears had been oncoming. They knew how to fill each other's holes as if they'd been in love for years. The kiss was warm and soft; everything V wasn't. Alyssa's chapstick tasted faintly of strawberries, the same scent that always came from the shampoo in her hair. The smell reminded Emma of popsicles on a sweltering day and escaping the bitter frost of winter at the same moment. It was a reassurance, an undefined place...it was home. Kissing Alyssa Greene felt like coming home to _someone_ who was waiting for her to arrive and actually bothered to greet her from the living room.

She missed having that.

Emma woke up still tangled in Alyssa, even through the blare of her alarm. It was...strange. Stable. Right. She wanted a thousand more days of this.

_...Oh no._

“Hey, Lyssa, we gotta get up.”

“Mmph. What time is it?”

“Seven. Quarterfinals start at ten.”

“Ugh, I hate this.”

“Happy Valentines Day,” Emma joked, slipping out from under Alyssa and turning off her alarm. “I’m gonna get ready.”

She stepped in the shower and her first thought was of V. She never got to wake up next to her; she must have slipped away in the dead of night, because Emma only got a note and a phone number. A part of her believed it was meant to be that way. She knew that she and V could never work. They were Icarus flying too close to the Sun, rockets aiming for the same star and being bound by fate to crash into each other in a way that was inexplicably poetic, because somewhere in that nuclear fallout was something beautiful. Indianapolis was a place where Emma could prove to everyone that there was a reason she made it here, escaped from James Madison. And in that place...she found herself, and she found love. It wasn’t a traditional, happily ever after love...no, it was much too explosive, much too quick, but it was someone seeing her as something they _wanted_ for the first time, and Emma had never felt that in her life, so even a year later, with Alyssa right there, she couldn’t make herself let go.

She felt so guilty.

She supposed her guilt was palpable as they started the day's races.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked Jess in the lane next to her.

“If Nolan's nervous, we're all screwed.”

“Don't say that so loud,” she grumbled.

“I won't--if we get through today. You better walk the talk you gave Garrison.”

She didn't even know what that meant anymore, but she still raced like her life depended on it, because she wasn't about to let Jess down.

There was something so freeing about being in the water whenever she allowed herself to let go. (On days where she couldn’t, it was another story.) It made her feel physically lighter. It was a different world, and gravity--the weight of the other world’s problems--had no place here. It was a forgetting of sorts because this was the one place she had total control. And she always took that control, pushed through the water and forced it to work in her favor, even when nothing else did. Once she was through with that, she became one with the water, her entire being melted away in the rhythm. No V, no Alyssa. Just the familiar waltz, guided by the music that she crafted with her hands and feet, the melody of her breath.

_Stroke, stroke, stroke, breathe._

Usually, after her races, she’d have a moment of being blissfully unaware of the world as she tried to recall what it meant to be a person. Confusion as the idea of other competitors slipped away. Not today. Today, she slipped out of the water and immediately, she was struck with heaviness, water seeped its way into her muscles and chlorine breached into her veins. It stung, no matter how good she did at the race, no matter how the team had gotten to the semifinals. She knew what she had to do.

“I’m gonna get some air real quick,” she muttered to Alyssa as she stepped out of the locker room.

And there she was, all of a sudden. Emma felt as if she lived this moment a thousand times already.

“Nolan, hey!”

“Hey.”

“Quick shower--still a closet case then?”

Emma shifted awkwardly. “To all but nine people, including you. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

V was different in broad daylight and in-person than she was through a screen at midnight. Or maybe that was just what they both knew was coming. There was no tired delirium here, only the way they both changed in a year. It was jarring.

“I suppose it’s not worth asking what’s happening between you and Alyssa, then.”

“It’d help if we could define this.”

“Listen, I see how you look at her, I’m not blind. You’re happier with her than you ever have been in a year of our calls. You’ve changed, completely, for the better. I don’t even think I recognized you until I heard your voice. I think that’s mutual because you have her. And if anyone deserves that, it’s you.”

“And you don’t?”

“You’re so quick to jump to protect people. People who, in hindsight, have done nothing for you. Your parents, for instance. Why should you be trying to help your dad?”

“What are you getting at? What does he have to do with you?!”

“You're so content to wait for the world to be ready for you, but when you go after something yourself, you get...here.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “We can't all live in super accepting cities.”

“That's not what I mean. I mean, it's obvious she likes you, so what are you waiting for? If it's me... I'm turning eighteen in two weeks. I'm graduating and I won't be back here.”

I don't want to get hurt.”

“Then the least you can do is admit...this hurts too. I want you to be happy, but that comes with hurt, so you're just running from yourself because it's _safer_. But that's not better.”

“Obviously I know that--"

“So let's break the cycle here. I can't let you hold yourself back because of _me_.”

“Wait, what are you saying?”

“I'm saying I guess this is goodbye, Nolan. It's time to move past this shit.”

That hurt. It hurt like hell. She swore she'd been cut open. But V didn't l leave her without consoling her. That would suck too much. So she kissed her one last time. So fast Emma almost didn't notice it. It felt like the very definition of nuclear fallout. And then it was gone.

“One last race, for old times sake.”

Then V herself walked away.

Emma crashed onto her bed, face down, the moment they arrived at the motel that evening. There were two competitions that day, so this wasn't too unexpected by Alyssa.

“Rough day?”

“Please just kill me now,” Emma groaned into her pillow. It made Alyssa giggle, so she made an act out of it so Alyssa wouldn’t catch on to the fact that she wasn’t entirely joking.

“Dear God that I’m not sure I believe in, please come down and smite me to prove your existence.”

Alyssa kept laughing, though she could tell adding that was all for the joke. “Em, stop being so dramatic. You’re just tired and sore.”

“And that sucks, babe.”

_They could call each other babe platonically, right? Technically it shouldn’t cross a line since they definitely kissed last night. But Alyssa hadn’t gotten any sleep, was that--_

It didn’t matter though, Alyssa brushed past it. “If you wanna get to bed early, that’s fine. I know I kept you up last night, and you’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

“How am I meant to fall asleep when I feel like shit?” Emma’s genuine tone returned and Alyssa was suddenly concerned.

“Are you gonna be okay?”

Emma didn’t reply, so Alyssa sunk down on the mattress next to her and started running a hand through her hair. Only then did she roll over on the bed, allowing Alyssa to see her face, the features of which were worn and tired. She didn’t look any paler than her standard ghastly shade, but then again, it was hard to distinguish between ghastly and dead, so just to be safe, Alyssa drifted the tips of her fingers toward Emma’s forehead as she continued playing with her hair.

“You don’t have a fever, that’s good, but you should probably change into pajamas.”

Emma groaned and rolled over again, this time against Alyssa’s chest.

“It’s okay. You’re okay.”

She threw off her jacket and forced herself out of her jeans only to find she had no more energy to expend, so she shut her eyes again and Alyssa found her gaze drifting to Emma’s thighs, muscular as ever and only covered only by a pair of boxers that were so faded Alyssa could see the definition.

By Sunday morning Emma appeared to perk up. Perhaps a good night’s sleep really was all she needed, because she beat Alyssa to breakfast in the lobby, as did the rest of the team, and they were all chatting about something rather loudly and dramatically for that hour of the morning.

“No fucking way, dude! Are you serious?!”

Greg’s cheeks were red and he glanced around the dining area for a moment before he nodded. Noah was silent, but he looked just as embarrassed, even from the distance between him and Alyssa. The group exploded into a brief fit of laughter at this before Jess interjected, throwing her hands in the air and letting her fork hit the floor with a clang. Alyssa heard most of it from the line to get breakfast.

“I’m so shocked I didn’t hear this at some point last night,” Jess said, and a collective groan ran across the room, yet everyone seemed to agree with the sentiment.

“There are worse things, I’m sure,” Salix tried to change the mood, but Foster was quick to refute that.

“No. I promise it doesn’t get worse than having confirmation on that--I was mostly joking, you know.”

“Actually, you never clarified--”

Emma cut Noah off. “Can we all shut up about this? I’m getting painful visuals and you’re my cousin for Christ’s sa…” She trailed off when Alyssa arrived at the table. “Oh, good morning, Sleeping Beauty.”

Alyssa rolled her eyes fondly. “Says you.”

“Don’t spill my embarrassing hotel room secrets, Emma ordered. “Besides, these guys are already having a field day.”

“Okay then.”

With breakfast out of the way, the team returned to Garrison for one final match. Alyssa thought she knew what to expect; relatively quiet until the match itself got closer to starting, at which point applause would remain at a respectable volume. But of course not, because at some point during warm-ups there was a voice coming from somewhere above the teams.

“Alright, we are here with the Garrison Guardian for the Indiana State Championships! It’s the event everyone loves the most here at Garrison--the finals for co-ed swimming! As you should all know by now, Garrison has claimed many consecutive titles as the champs of this event, until last year, when James Madison High School unexpectedly won the title after being labeled the underdog of the competition. This year, we’re back for a rematch and an exciting one at that. We’ve got filmed footage coming to you from the bleachers for some real close-up action, so stay with our broadcast to watch it unfold live!”

It seemed so obvious that this school had enough money for a full-on live broadcast and all the shit that went with it now that it was happening. Alyssa rolled her eyes at the grandeur being made of a high school event, even though she knew it meant everything to Emma.

She had to admit, though, that it made the races much more exciting from a spectator's point of view. It gave her the adrenaline rush she was sure Emma got anyway, and a pleasant buzz fell over the crowd as they grew more and more eager to see a champion be declared. Between rounds, the cheering was so loud that she felt like her ears were bleeding. It was the homecoming game, only a million times better since swimming didn’t have half as many breaks as football. She wondered what was going on in Emma’s head.

Enlightenment. That was the one word to describe the experience of a crowd wanting to watch her, voices pouring over her every move with a dedicated eye. The sounds shot into the water around her and she soaked them up. The buzz of excitement coursed through her veins and she knew this was everything she’d ever wanted. Of course, she knew that already, but there was something about _Garrison captain Thomas Marigold is leading the pack as we go into the home stretch, but not by much! The Nolan cousins are both right on his heels; do they have the power to keep up their stamina and overtake him after a race this long?_ That made her feel so alive, so present, even if the words hardly reached her over the woosh of the water surrounding her and a whoop from the bleachers felt far away.

“James Madison calls Emma Nolan their honorary captain for a reason. She’s only a sophomore but she is the team’s biggest powerhouse, which we see here as she pulls ahead of Marigold by a hair. Gregory follows suit and it’s a fascinating intimidation tactic. Look at this, we’re gonna need a close-up of that--Marigold glances over at his competitors only to find that they are in no way intimidated by the close race, and this brief falter allows him to be overtaken by a newcomer to the James Madison team, Foster Jamie. That one’s gotta sting for the senior who is suddenly in fourth place.”

Emma smirked. She felt the presence of the captain of the rival team sink behind her, drowning in the noise and in the rhythm. Rising in return was Jess. The competition was so intriguing in that way. For every time the “powerhouse” strode ahead, there was always someone left behind. And she’d never know the race from the other perspective. But it was nice to be the powerhouse in this one thing instead of the one that got left behind.

Her hand touched the wall. She gazed upwards, waiting for it to be announced.

“We have our first finish for the backstroke mile! Emma Nolan with an astonishing 21 minutes and 56 seconds! Foster Jamie follows suit with 22:06 and Jess Monae Boomer isn’t too far behind them with 22:09! Finally, we’re seeing some pushback as Garrison finishes, the captain remained in fourth for the rest of the final stretch with just 22:11, beating out Gregory Nolan by only a fraction of a second…” 

Emma lets the rest of the scores play out around her in a bit of a daze.

“A strong finish from James Madison in that race could end up being the deciding factor of the championship since it’s been close all day, but there’s one more race in-store, the 400-meter breaststroke!”

The crowd cheered, and in a few minutes that felt like the blink of an eye, she was back at the block with her heart pounding so fast it felt as if it were simply vibrating in her ribcage. This was everything she’d ever wanted, and she was so close to having it _again_.

The horn screamed at her to start. The race happened so quickly that Emma couldn’t tell you the details, only that she swam as fast as her arms and legs would take her.

“And they’re off! Looks like a strong start for all competitors, and it looks like this time Noah Decker, the Captain of James Madison, holds an early lead, and that’s gonna be crucial for this event because the competitors only have four laps. There is _no_ room for mistakes here. You can see just behind him are his teammate Emma Nolan and Garrison competitor V Dougalson, who are effectively keeping pace with each other as they head to the first turn already. I already spoke about how Nolan is a domineering force for the James Madison team, but she is most known for her stamina while Dougalson is stronger in sprints, so to ensure a victory for her team, Nolan has to have another trick up her sleeve.”

They were reaching the final turn, and she and V were still on pace, though as a pair they were now leading the pack, and the only real movement between places was long behind them. She had to do something, so in a rare move, she glanced at her opponent.

“What’s this…! Nolan making the same move as Marigold in the last race. Will this lead her to the same fate as him?”

V, who just told her to move on to bigger and better things, one of those better things waiting on the bleachers. Alyssa. Alyssa, who she was forced to admit that she was falling for now that she didn’t have to worry about V. 

The strangest thing happened then. As she kept up her rhythm, her mind flooded with Alyssa. Nothing but Alyssa. Flashbacks of their friendship, so pristine it was a photo album. Then the kiss.

The next thing she knew V was swearing behind her, unable to keep up.

“Oh! Totally unexpectedly, Nolan breaks from the pack. I’m fairly sure this will set James Madison up for victory if she can keep it up, but we have to wait for the math to know for sure."

Her hand slammed into the edge of the pool so hard that it stung.

She was done. She had to hope it was enough. She felt as if she were about to explode waiting for the results. The teams got out of the pool and huddled together, tension hovering over them, so thick she felt like she was breathing it in, it was sticking to her throat, making it hard to talk, hard to breathe.

“Our winner for the co-ed swim state championships has just been confirmed…”

Emma didn’t realize she was toying with her fingers. She closed her eyes. If they lost, she would never be able to convince herself it wasn’t a big deal.

_Just Breathe, Emma._

_...Ow._

“So it’s my honor to present…”

She was starting to ache from the suspense alone.

“Your two-time state champions, with a second consecutive title, James Madison High School!”

The team exploded around her. They all forgot there were cameras all over this moment as they started screaming incoherently. But Emma would’ve lived that deafening moment a thousand times over as she found herself crying a bit, even with an uncontrollable grin on her face. She wasn’t thinking anymore as she broke into a run toward the crowd, all of whom watched, intrigued, as she picked Alyssa up and spun her around. For a moment, they both forgot there were other people in the room. Alyssa’s gaze flickered to Emma’s lips, and Emma, the slightly more rational one since she wasn’t being held by her very hot and very muscular best friend, set Alyssa down before she could lose herself completely. 

“O-oh! Hi, Emma,” Alyssa laughed.

“Hi! Come back over here with us!”

“Do I want to go deaf?”

“Yes, you do! Now come on!”

Alyssa didn’t have much of a choice, as Emma was dragging her by the wrist. She let go suddenly as they emerged back in view of the cameras. Alyssa felt her hand go limp at her side, even while she was hit with high fives and fist bumps from every angle and the yelling didn’t stop for several minutes.

The group was clambering back on the bus within a couple of hours, not to mention the two people it took to get the trophy on the bus. Traditionally, these two people would be the captain and coach, but Noah seemed to insist that Emma do it while he climbed into the seat beside Greg, (and being rather handsy about it too, which even Alyssa noticed) who was already yelling again.

“I can get the victory playlist going!”

“Did you have a loser playlist, too?” Emma asked from her struggle halfway up the staircase.

“No, because that’s lame,” Greg replied. “Besides, if I needed a sad playlist I’d steal your Spotify.”

“Hey!”

He didn’t actually turn on the victory playlist until everyone was on the bus, at which point he turned on We Are the Champions. It was the most clichè thing Alyssa had ever witnessed, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized that it was the closest thing to a quintessential high school experience that any of the other kids on this bus would ever get. So she sat back while they screamed along. All was well. For a few hours more, there were no unrealistic expectations, no overload of shit to do, and she realized now that Emma was feeling this sentiment as well, knowing through her euphoria that she’d have to go back home. Still, making a pit stop for ice cream made the thought of it sting a whole lot less. Emma’s chest felt warm even as they pulled back into James Madison at nearly half-past nine that night, and for once, she had a feeling that everything would be okay.

**okay i think i lied to you kay**

**this is paradise after all**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can see now why this took nearly a month, right? Please do let me know if the V-plot (heh) was too much. If it was, feel free to boycott this fic.
> 
> Note-within-a-note: Please do not boycott this fic. Just leave a comment letting me know if I bit off more than I can chew this time because I am Anxious.


End file.
